DoNotRead

UnlessYouWantMeToPissYouOff

By Vonia Martin

The only people that tell you not to be negative are the ones that are fixing to hurt you and they want to blame you for it. Don't fall for this bullshit! If they truly want you to be positive they would create positive situations in your life, they would start by telling you something positive.  When someone tells you not to do something, they are being negative so they need to first practice their own advice before telling me what to do. I am all for being the example not the exception, actions speak louder then words. Of course, they still may not take my advice but that's on them. 

People are probably wondering what I mean when I said that orphans are going to be more valuable then anyone else on the planet. I say this in all honesty because who has the smallest carbon foot print on the planet besides the indigenous peoples? Orphans and/or foster kids; that's who. We know how to live with and on practically nothing. We know how to make things last, squeezing every last drop of blood out of the turnip, if you will. Yes, we can get blood from a turnip, you just have to know how to squeeze it. Foster kids hardly ever own anything, only what people have given them. They usually don't drive because they don't have a drivers license or even a birth certificate.  We usually have the decency to die young, for obvious reasons. It's hard to convince someone to live when they have no one to live for. Not to mention the collective subconscious telling you, in not so subtle ways, to kill yourself before becoming more of a burden.

I doubt we will ever be able to figure out the secrets of the universe when we can't even take care of our own Mother! Or children some mothers abandon. As long as we are committing crimes against her we are committing crimes against ourselves and ultimately God, if you want to believe that kind of thing. All I do know is that Mother Nature is real, science is real, devine intervention maybe here in the form of a virus. Wake up before you end up dead.

Our planet and the creatures on it are at our mercy yet we display none. We are relentless in our pursuit of happiness and the American way, with not a care about the damage being done in that pursuit. Maybe this is why other countries don't like us, because we are so reckless with our only resource; earth.  How irresponsible of us to not change because this planet is and its not into something we are going to like. How much time have we allowed to pass without really doing anything different. The crimes we commit against this planet are crimes we commit against every living creature that resides here. We have a forehead and a chin so we can communicate to eachother in ways animals can't, they have no voice that we can understand. So what about paying attention to the rest of them? They have bodies that also speaks a language we all speak if we pay enough attention we maybe able to figure out what it is they are saying. 

Soon we won't be able to find animals in the wild, only in a zoo.  Won't that be a hoot? There is nothing more unnatural then a caged animals but soon that will be the only place you can find them.

How ignorant we are to the effects of our actions until we cannot ignore them any more because they are too great. For so long we pretended to not be able to change the planet. We decided that the ocean was to vast for all our waste to ever harm it or its occupents no matter how much pollution we dump in it. It was our god given right to rape and pillage the land, leaving in our wake a waste land fit for no animal to live.  

Orphans and foster kids know how to be alone, do you?

All I'm saying is that if we don't start doing what's best for Earth the virus is only the beginning. 

There was a time when we didn't have transportation, other then horses and we didn't always treat them very well either.  As a species we have to collectively decide to stop with the stupidity!  If we are unaware of the consciquences of our actions we should stop until we know what they are and if they are worth the harm they are creating.

We need to add a few subjects to our school curriculum; sustainability, renewable energy, reversing human effect on the planet.  Not that my feelings count for anything but I have a feeling if we become true advocates for Mother Nature she will reveal the secrets we need to travel through space and time.  I know this sounds stupid mainly because most people think I am but I'm not so here it geos anyway. What if we switch the line up and travel through time and space instead?  It's probably nothing but we have to try. It makes sense to me that if we solve the time travel problem space will just fall in line. 

Speaking of space what if dark matter is other planets? They have to be some where and in the way of light is a good way to determine where they are or the absence of it. When I look at the pictures of space and the dark blotches scattered across the universe I think "what the hell is in the way? Why can't I fallow that ray of light to its start?" I'm not saying that some of it isn't dark matter but maybe planets are what we think is dark matter? It's important to find out because there maybe a planet a lot closer to us then we know. 

FalseConfessions

 CrimesYouGoToJailForbutDon’tHavetoCommit

By Vonia Martín 

The reason I know this is because I had to weigh my options since I’m still here and aged out of the system. I didn't want to be a statistic but never realized that is all we are. It means I have out lived my desirability. I’ve been luckier then most but through no fault  of mine. Killing myself is out of the question so that left prison but I can’t hurt someone else. So what victimless crime could I commit where no one gets hurt and won’t cost the state, city, of federal government too much money but won’t get early release. Then it occurred to me, a crime that has already been committed. Not wanting to be responsible for leaving a dangerous person free to do it again, I would have to kill them if they weren’t already dead. This made so much sense that it sucked the air right out of me when I realized I’m not the only one to think this. All I did was follow the path I was on to its logical conclusion only there wasn’t one. 

My point is that there has to be better options for people that have no people. Most opportunity comes way of a relative or close personal friend or one of your parents. Orphans and/or foster kids are given very little oppertunity to make something of themselves. Once you have reached a certain age society has had enough of you and the strain you put on resources. The resentment you felt before takes on a darker more sinister feel. This is society telling you that you have outlived your usefulness and its time to die. Yes die! Collectively society deems you useless so you gotta go. Now if I can't muster up the courage to kill myself I'm certainly not going to let someone else. Many people have tried. 

Still I'm not a push option!

Most of us don't want to be a burden even those of us that have no one. We are painfully aware of the fact that we have no real value without family. The numbers speak for themselves and yet I'm still here. There are people out there that are in or getting out of the foster care system, these are my people. They have had to do the unthinkable to get to were they are so please forgive them. By any means necessary. All foster kids are mine, they belong with me and with each other. How am I going to reach them to let them know that I am on their side and I will find away to them. Hopefully in this life and not in the next(if there is one).  Don't get me wrong, I have done plenty to be ashamed of but that stopped when my adopted mom found me. However, now, I realize she only got a hold of me because the life insurance policy she had on me matured when I turned 50 and she needed to find out if I was alive or dead. Perferrablely dead I'm sure. I knew I was staying alive for a reason. Why should she be allowed to profit from my death? It's not like I cost her a bunch of money in the whole three years she had me and most of that was spent in residential treatment facilities, hospitals, or shelters. 

Like it was my fault she met a man that wanted to marry her and not me. He had daughters of his own one was even my age although I was never introduced to them. This is how I knew they weren't entending on keeping me. Not only that they sent in his nephew to negatively influence me and to take my virginity. You see my adopted mother and her new husband conspired to rid themselves of me. First the nephew but that wasn't fast enough so they tried to get me in trouble with the law by entrapping me in a crime to rip off the Jr. Achievers. It didn't work in the way they had hoped but it got me kicked out of the program. They needed that to get the courts to see me as a delinquent and misfit.  No foster kids wants to be were they are not wanted and I wasn't wanted by my adopted mom and her new husband. What is so interesting is that they don't think anyone else could see the truth of what was happening, as if they were the first to do this to a foster kid. No many single people adopt kids so they don't have to be alone because they think if they are not married by now they never will be and of course as soon as they do here comes the man willing to marry them. That is if...

My adopted mom, to this day, blames me for her disowning me. You read right, it is all my fault that I went back into the foster care system, I missed it so much. Having options about my future was just to much for me to handle. What bullshit!!!! I even wanted to get family counseling to work through things and you led me to believe we were going to go get help. You even told me that Frank was going to meet us there but he wasn't. Did it feel good to turn your back on me? Did you like leaving me there in that empty room with the idea we were there to get help but you were there to leave me, which you did without a word. You led me into a room and turned around and walked out with no explanation not even a good bye.

So you find I'm still alive so no insurance money for you! If for no other reason stay alive so no one that has hurt you can benifit from your death! I wonder what she would have done with the money. Would she have given it to charity? Maybe the Boys and Girls Club since they help foster kids? She probably would have donated it in my name, since its my death that made it available? Let's face it, not. 

So why did she contact me when there was no cash out to be had; guilt or perhaps another policy was written and this time she wants to keep track of me. Or maybe she feels she is owed the money that she did spend on me for the three whole years I was in her care.  Or maybe she thinks I will contest her will once she dies, I don't know. I do know it wasn't for forgiveness. A person has to admit they did wrong before they will ask for forgiveness. She asked me for forgiveness but she didn't mean it because she continues to let his daughters believe that I chose to leave them. Why then did they never introduce me to his kids? I mean for three years I lived with them off and on because the hospitals they kept putting me in stopped admitting me because there was nothing wrong with me, I didn't do drugs and I was still a virgin. You read right, I was a virgin, nonsmoker, never had done drugs or ever even been drunk, I was an honors student, and a Jr. Achiever for Christ's sake. How does this shit happen not just once but twice to the same child? A child with no behavioral problems, a child whose trying to decide wether to become a lawyer or a race car driver. Those dreams faded fast with surviving once again taking priority. Surviving the impossible is kinda my thing and not because I'm too stupid to know any better but inspite of it. People always want something from me that I just don't have, I didn't come with everything you see here. As a matter of fact most of what you see here is an illusion one I perfected to the seemless life you think you see before you. In a way I am a magician, skilled in the art of pretending to be alive, pretending to be a whole functioning person. Well, I'm not, far from it. I am an empty shell, a dead weight. Too stubborn to kill myself, like any decent person would. To hell with decency! Most people don't know what I do and that is that I know the answer but no one will listen not even to save themselves. They would rather die and take everything with them ten amit I have the answer or worse still give me credit for it. S o like always I will have to arrange it just so so that someone else one that people listen to and give them the answer and step back as they take all the credit. 

If I was smarter I would just keep it to myself because society would get what it deserves.

DoNoMakeMenKneelInFrontofAnyone

Especially Other Men

By Vonia Martin

After giving much consideration to the problem I'm convinced that making a black man get on his knees, for any reason, is not the way to go. Not only is it degrading and painful it can be impossible for some men to comply. My perspective is going to be one of an abused child, sexually and mentally. I'll try to see it from a males point of view but I am a female so forgive me if I miss the mark. Not to mention I'm not black so I'm not even close to the problem, except that I am an orphan, which comes with its own prejudice. That's not what I'm adressing here.

It's the kneeling thing that is a problem for young black men. They are taught, by their fathers, uncles, friends, not to kneel for anyone. When all the adult role models in their life continually tell them this it sticks with them, up in to the time they get shot. All males that have been molested, raped, and/or sodamized has a problem getting on their knees in front of other males and possably females (in uniform or passing by) for what I would think are obvious reasons. If all the police are trying to do is keep them from running and/or hurting themselves and others, make them sit instead. It's not only respectful (they maybe innocent) it's less invasive to people with physical limitations. The police may want to carry one of those collapsable chairs, it couldn't hurt. Children that have been molested, even though they are grown now, will react to things for what seems like no reason but trust me they have every reason if it reminds them in any way of the act itself, so keep this in mind. There is a reason for the mental health epidemic and its not all caused by frontal lobe damage.

We need to rethink any organization that separates the girls and boys. This is the oldest stategy in the book; divide and conquer. Pedaphiles have been using this against us for millennium, it must stop. Why do you think women, no girls, have been trying like mad to get on the team? We have known this, subconsciously all along but its taken us this long to get physically capable of competing with men. It's funny how we evolve without even knowing we are. Women know this bastards have been thinning the herd for far too long and we've had it! No longer can any of us sit idly by and ignore these pedephiles because they aren't happy with the disposable people any more, they are coming after your kid next. What are you going to do? You may want to start talking about that now, with your kids so they know what you would and wouldn't do under the worst circumstances. Let me make myself clear, I have no children. Not because I couldn't but because I shouldn't. Short of having a husband with a good family my kids would have ended up in foster care if anything had happened to me. The odds of something happening to me where pretty good, so much in fact that I chose not to have any. 

Not having one person in the world on your side, no matter who you fuck, really, really sucks.

  

TRUCKERS

Should Get The HOV LANE!

By Vonia Martin

It occurs to me that instead of cars, even if they have passengers, except volunteer drivers, they can use the HOV lane also and of course buses. If we took semi-trucks out of the equation, at least in the more crowded areas where the HOV lane already exists, traffic might move more smoothly. That and companies need to stagger their employees, which would benefit them as well since there is a time difference and a lot of revenue could be made before the sun comes up here in America. Then keep bringing employees in every hour or half hour until fully staffed then send people home eight hours or ten even better four day work week. Anyway, this would help with traffic and pollution not to mention revenue and happier, less stressed employees. I call it a win, win, win and won. I'm just saying...

STREAM

Not Stem

by Vonia Martin

Stem just doesn't cover it, we need them all so it should be Stream for science, technology, reading & righting (righting all the wrong history), engineering, arts, and math.

Yes, I believe there is enough "wrong" history to warrent it it's own subject of study. We need to right this when ever and where ever we find it. Miss information and/or lies should never stand even if it's all that we know of a subject because lies only make it harder for the truth to get through. A whole generation may have to die before society can successfully tell the truth and we don't have that kind of time. 

Now, is the time for truth. Now is the time to embrace the truth because the lies are killing us. As a society we need to collectively choose something else and what else is left to us, but the truth?  We have, for what ever reason, spent the majority of the past two millenniums believing in all kinds of interesting things. The one thing they all have in common is that they are the only way to Heaven and God and those that don't believe the way they do will indur some awful fate to be suffered for eternity. Personally, I can't get my faith around believing that only those that believe the way I do can go to heaven. You know why? Because only I know what I truly believe and my beliefs don't follow or stick to any one practice or prejudice, if you will, they exist only to give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and as long as that doesn't hurt anyone else I feel free to do so. My faith is a patch work quilt that is pieced together from my experiences in life and how I was able to navigate through it without even a life raft or compass.  The last thing you will hear me say is "Jesus take the wheel"! If anyone but God himself takes the wheel fight like hell to take it back! 

We need well rounded individuals that excel in all these areas not in just one or a few but all. Knowledge is the STREAM and we need to stop separating the subjects instead they need to flow into the other where teaching becomes fluid and flows, like the river, effortlessly. Thinking; should not be an option it should be a given. 

In order to truly free ourselves from prejudice and hate we have to drop the religion thing because it propels both. If it didn't we wouldn't be fighting. The one thing that cuts short any argument is the truth. You can't argue with it even if you deny it. You argue it's existence not it's reason for existence. Or it maybe the other way around. Shit, I've been thinking too much for too long. Time for some down time.

Suicide is For

Pussies!

By Vonia Martin

For some time now I have been trying to think of a way to stop orphans from killing themselves. This is not so easy when there is so little for them to live for. Especially when people that have families, education, careers, friends, and even money kill themselves over something as trivial as loosing their job. Seriously? No one with any, some, or all the above should be even thinking about killing themselves. I mean how can we get these kids with nothing not to kill themselves when people with everything are offing themselves? Veterans, police officers, native Americans, and kids that have aged out of the system have the highest suicide rates in the country. Veterans and police officers  are so riddled with guilt at having had to kill someone they kill themselves. Which, to me, seems ridiculous when they are just defending themselves and/or innocent people or are following orders. Even if someone accidentally dies from an officers bullet, don’t kill yourself over it. We need all the police officers that we can get! You are a special breed of human that doesn’t get nearly the credit you deserve. Accidents happen. Life is a risk and you put yours on the line for the rest of us so we can forgive you an accident on occasion. In the heat of the moment things happen decisions aren’t easy to make when bullets are flying. The fact that you value life so much that yours takes a back seat to saving the innocent and not so innocent is amazing. All lives matter, even yours!

Living With Sexual Assault

When All You Want to do is Die

by Vonia Martin



I may or may not title this when I'm done. Only because of the topic.
This may not go over very well but here it goes anyway. No group, religion, agency, and/or club should exclude women. Just like they shouldn't exclude any race. It's without women these clubs are hiding pedophiles and getting away with it. Women would never allow this to occur, or at least, most women. Boys and girls should not be separated for any reason. They should be given the opportunity to socialize and play nice together. Sports are going to have to change anyway, due to the virus, maybe it should change to allow for women and men to participate together. Not that sports is harboring a bunch of pedophiles, of course not, but it could. These clubs and churches not only hid pedophiles they enabled them to thrive while preying on its most vulnerable members, the young.  The Boy Scouts and Catholic Church are the ones that come to mind. There is no place these people, no not people monsters these monsters haven't made themselves at home. Where ever children go these sickos follow.
The rest of us are having to pay close attention to everyone around us. Wishing there was some way to tell who is who. The monsters look more normal than normal people do so how can you keep them from getting close enough to... there has to be a tell, a sign that gives them away.  There isn't any list or registry that they don't muddy with bullshit to the point no one even pays attention to them any more.  There isn't any length that they are willing to go to make what they do acceptable including making up a gene that says you are born gay. Any thing to spread the disease. And I mean spread. We want to think and believe that pedophiles don't make more pedophiles, when that is exactly what they do. They do it when a child gets to be too old but they don't want to them and they can't just let them go so they turn them into their worst night mare a pedophile. They are told to procure a younger version of themselves if they do that they can then go home. They don't stop to think about what they are going to do to them only that they can go home if they bring him another child. Once they do bring him the next victim they are now involved in a crime they hold over the head of the now budding pedophile. Love is taught and it is the first sexual experience that will dictate the rest of a persons sexual life. It is this experience we will chase like the first hit of crack cocaine. Especially if this occurs before puberty. I have come to believe the earlier, in a child's life, this does occur the more obsessed with sex they will be through out their life. The greater the chance for this person to develop  a sexual disorder if they haven't already. Maintaining a healthy attitude about sex these days is becoming increasingly difficult. Not only are you most likely going to be sexually assaulted before entering Jr. High it will likely be a friend of the family or a relative. You are most likely going to have to learn to live with this without it defining you.

FamilyIsEveryThing

EvenIfYouDon'tHaveOne

By Vonia Martin

The only race of people I can think that might have an idea what it's like to be a foster child is black people and native Americans. Believe it or not even black and Native American people are better off than foster kids. At least their suicide rate is as high. The other group of people that has a high suicide rate are police officers. Foster kids are the minority and continue to be discriminated against. Not openly, like black people, for they will see and feel equality before a foster child does but subconsciously because only there does discrimination succeed. In reality prejudice fails because it is defeating. Life means for everyone to succeed, life needs everyone to be successful. Success, to life isn't how much money you made, isn't how much you cheated someone out of their lives savings, or how much power you have over the masses. To life, life is successful when it passes on its knowledge to the next generation, knowing its generation has done all it can to pass on worthy information, facts that when utilized with others will unlock the secrets of life and death. 

Death is something we need to comes to terms with and celebrate, like life, as part of the process.

Without death there is no life, without life there is no death. Do we really need for life to direct us? When we promised God we could do this for ourselves? We failed. Jesus wept. We ran. We keep running. 

There is a common denominator that ties all these suicides together; prejudice. With prejudice we isolate, degrade, disgrace, loathe, discriminate, abuse, abandon, and kill. With prejudice they rise above the abused and on their backs they stand taller. They feel superior. They surf our sweat and rejoice when we break beneath their oppression.  Humanity cries. The birds are silent.

What can I do to get through to you?

What can I say to convey the pain the planets in?

What act can I perform to reflect the hurt we are inflicting?

Who would you listen to?What words need to be said?

Dozier: Reform School For Boys

Death Sentence For Orphans/foster kids

By Vonia Martin

After watching the latest news about this horrible true life nightmare of a place; Dozier reform school for boys, I just want to throw up. How horrific that this place was operational until 2011 yet no one remains to hold accountable for the crimes committed against these children. That doesn't seam reasonable but who am I to question wether or not people get away with what seams to me mass murder. Mass murdering of children, adult supervisers letting if not encouraging children to kill each other or suffer worse then death consequences. What is worse then death; being raped and sodimized when your just a boy. Being raped and sodimized in front of everyone then being made fun of naked and beaten. You are told if you don't kill you will suffer the same fate day after day night after night until you do kill so you may as well just get it over with. So broken are you that you don't even notice until its too late that its your own brother they made you kill and what's worse still, you are made to dig and bury your own brother so you can get out of there alive. Now you have to live with what you've done and the fact you can't tell anyone what they are doing for fear you will be imprisoned for killing your own brother if your family doesn't kill you first. To have to live with this secret the rest of your life must have weighed heavy an many of these young boys. I wonder how many of them ended up taking their own life. What are the statistics on this horrible place or have they buried them in other statistics to hide the real truth which is always in the numbers.

There needs to be some way for these kids, who are now adults, to get some justice! The statute of limitations on violent crime, especially committed against a child, should no longer be! When we deny justice because too much time has gone by we are just as guilty of that crime as the one who committed it. If we need to write or rewrite the laws then so be it! As long as these men live they have to endure the memories of what was done to them. No amount of time is going to erase, from their minds, the abuse they suffered. The scars are still there so why do the ones who put them there get to get away with it? No crime against a child should have a statute of limitations. The state of Florida should be held accountable for allowing these crimes against children to go on and to go on and on and on. 110 years! WTF?

All I keep seeing in my minds eye are these little orphan/foster boys being hunted like animals and killed then put in an unmarked grave. No one noticed that a lot of deaths were occurring because they were no body's children. The perfect victim; orphans/foster kids.

If there is one thing I know in this world and that is people. Hell, I'm one myself. Having grown up in the foster care system I know a little bit about what I'm saying. After being victimized my whole childhood, I know something about survival and how predators turn their victims into the monster for the sake of them getting away with it. When confronted with the choice don't become the monster! If you end up dead its better then living with what you are about to do, trust me.  No, I never became the monster but I know how tempting it is just to end the pain. There is no end to it for me because I will never know justice. 

I feel those orphan/foster kid's pain as if it were my own. It just hits me at some point in my day I am seeing boys running, running through trees and shrubs over logs and stumps. Running for their lives. The fear was so great that some froze where they stood only to be cut down like an animal. They would leave them there, where they were killed, to be picked apart by the animals, their remains will never be recovered. When they were segregated, the whites from the blacks, they would get the black kids to hunt the white orphan/foster kid and visa versa. The people that ran the place would pit them against each other then throw an orphan/foster kid in the middle and make them kill them if they wanted to get out. The ones that wouldn't participate ended up dead, those are the remains of the ones that are identified because they had family. Orphans/foster kids don't. Dozier's employees used these kids for their own amusement and experiments. The state of Florida used Dozier to rid itself of what it deemed to be high risk children, potentially costing the state a lot more when they enter the prison system. Hundreds of children just went missing from this place, more then we will ever know because their remains will never be found since aligators and cracodiles inhabit the everglades where Dozier is convienantly located. 

It's shit like this school that keeps prejudice alive and well. It's shit like this that makes my point about prejudice that it isn't going to go away until we admit our prejudice against orphans/foster kids. Collectively as a whole society subconsciously and systematically set out to rid ourselves of them. God knows we don't really give them a chance.

After hearing about this horrific true life nightmare about this reform school for boys in Florida my first reaction was thank god I'm not a boy and second how in the hell did this go on for over a hundred years? It took a few days for it to sink in, there were orphans there that did nothing wrong but had no where else to go. These are the bodies in the unmarked graves. Not only did no one miss them no one even bothered to know their names, the others buried there that are missed and have names wouldn't kill the orphans so they were killed. That is how they got away with it all these years, by making murderers out of the boys with something to lose. Some how the boy that they killed in 'the White House' wasn't an orphan so they had to turn the guilty ones over to the authorities other wise they may still be in business. 

It's one of the tricks the pedophile/predators play on their victims; they turn them into their worse night mare. They get them to commit horrific acts with them in exchange for their freedom that in the end they won't want because now they are the monster.  It does insure their silence since now they are one of them. Most victims don't become the monster, no, most kill themselves. For some, it's to escape the nightmare for others is to not become the nightmare. These children were hunted like animals and killed where they were caught. 

If you think I don't know what I'm talking about, why have they stopped idintifying the unmarked graves there? Why aren't they trying to identify the boys in the woods? Why is it whenever orphans are mentioned it's like this collective unspoken understanding passes through everyone and the conversation is changed. Well, I will tell you why; because no one cares, so no one knows who they are. They truely are the lost boys.

How do we know that one of those boys isn't the decendent of someone great? An illegitimate child, perhaps? We will never know if we don't dig them up and at least give them a number and put them in the DNA data base. Which can use as much as we can throw at it.

My other question is; do we think this is the only place like this?

Please, don't kill the messenger.  

My heart and thanks goes out to the scientist that took it upon herself(themselves) to at least identify some of the unmarked graves.  By comparing DNA of some of the surviving family members they identified 14 of the 51 bodies they exhumed. The rest are probably orphans, who's names we will never know. What else do we do with these boys, that will become men, that have nothing to lose? I know, we put them in tents under a bridge some where and hope they stay out of sight. Then when we can't ignore the stench or sight any more we get out the fire hoses and hose them out of the gutter and down the storm drain to the next tent city they will set up only to start the process all over again.

These people probably don't have any identification so going to get aid is difficult because the government wants to track these people and they have had enough of the system. A lot of them are mentally ill and trying to self medicate and it's hard to get drugs in in institution, except the kind that makes them feel like some one other then themselves. Besides people like to feel like they are in control of themselves and part of that is self medicating.  Most have come to not trust the system or the people that say they want to help you.     

This story won't let go of me. Its like all the orphans buried there want to be found, they want us to know their stories. Orphans have no one to request their bodies be exhumed so I will. Please, please dig up all the bodies at Dozier and give them a proper burial or cremate them but don't leave them in their unmarked graves. I have a feeling these are the kids they hunted and killed where they found them. The other boys were made to do most of the killing of these orphans, that way they where less likely to tell anyone what was happening there.  

What went on in the 50s and 60s that children were hunted like animals and murdered by one of their own. What goes on in a persons head to do something like this to children? They say that there are very few survivors of this reform school, on both sides; staff and children. Why? They just closed it in 2011? So why is everyone dead already? Suicide? I wonder.   

Coronavirus&FosterKids

Where are they going?

By Vonia Martin

In these times of social distancing and mandatory isolation of families there are those that have no family, no home to go to. What is being done for these kids? Are we forgetting about them? How terrified they must be right now even more than usual. How can we reach out to them when they probably have no access to the internet and we are suppose to practice distancing?

My goal to cut the number of kids aging out of the system every year in half this may or may not become realized due to this virus. Not exactly how envisioned accomplishing this goal or how I envisioned failing. This virus will either kill enough of them that my goal will be realized or will kill enough adults that the foster care system will collapse, leaving these kids on their own. 

It would be easy for society to just forget about them, let them fend for themselves but that would be a huge mistake. 

If anyone out there has a ranch or farm with buildings and/or tents, RVs, and/or land to build more on, please open your facilities to these children because they have no one and no place to go. If I had my own place I would take you all in, I would build a small city for you to live in. I would teach you all I know and learn from you what you know. 

As a whole person, you are scared. As a wanted person, you are with loved ones, your family. As a person with people you are wanted, valued. Well, as a disposable person you are not wanted because you're a liability. No one wants to risk exposing their family to a deadly virus?

Now that all the malls are shut down maybe we could open a few to house these children or turn them into hospitals or animal shelters. 

All I know is that these children must be terrified right now. If any of you are out there reading this, hang in there, I haven't forgotten you, I love you so please, please don't go killing yourselves over this. Try to hang in there, I'll find a way to reach you. Keep looking for signs telling you where to go. My initials are VM it will look like a monitored heart beat the way I write it, in one continuous motion, so you'll know it's me. 

My Mom gave me up when I was six. I was adopted when I was twelve only to be disowned three years later. I aged out of the system in Arizona. I spent the majority of my childhood in foster care. I know what it's like to be unwanted by everyone, except those that want to use you and take advantage of you. All the while making you feel like you owe them for putting up with you. They want to make you feel obligated to them so they can use you and you will let them. Try to avoid these people, they will help you but it will cost you more then you have. 

Is Anyone Missing Their Geese?

We Have Them

By V. Martin

For many years now Colorado has been over run with geese in the winter time. They should be further south by now but here they stay. Some like to say because we are making it too nice for them here but that can’t be true. There is no way we can make it nicer then our southern states in the winter. There is a very good reason for them to fly south and that’s so they don’t freeze to the lakes and/or fields. They don’t want to be here any more than we want them but some thing has disrupted their water way south. Some how we need to find out what path they use to take and reroute them with a drone or decoy to show them the way.
My concern is that I don't hear nearly the amount of birds that I use to. The silence is killing me. Now that I am hearing or not hearing them I feel responsible to make everyone aware of this fact. I fear that this is the beginning of the end. There use to be birds every where, flocks of them, no more.
Maybe it's the global warming doing this? I believe the temperature of the air affects their ability to fly and hatch their eggs. 

FrontalLobe

Mental Health

by Vonia Martin

It seems to me that there may be a connection between frontal lobe damage and mental health. I'm probably not the first or only person to make this connection but I want to introduce the idea that most kids from a broken home are mentally impaired. Half the people that are incarcerated are mentally impaired. When I say mentally impaired I mean people that have PTSD from childhood trauma. Most foster children will have PTSD and more than one trauma may have lead to this. Like I've said before, I'm not a doctor nor do I even have a degree but I do have an over active sense of observation. 

Extended Warranty

Or Die

                                                                       by Vonia Martin

Look, this is ridicules, I am not interested in paying more for the extended warranty then I did for my whole car! I do not owe any more money on my car so liability insurance is all I want or need on this car so lower my insurance rate, please. Yes, I am very aware that I am solely responsible for any and all repairs justlike if I still had the warranty! Because guess what the original warranty didn't cover squat so I imagine the extended one won't either. You know why? Extended it is not. It doesn't buy you a warranty that extends to the things that actually do go wrong. Extended in this case is more time more time to not use the warranty due to the fact that nothing it covers ever goes bad, at least not until you're ready for a new one anyway.  

That's the way they make me feel for all the times they have called to sell me the extended warranty on my car. I mean I bought this car like three years ago and that's the last time I was able to answer my phone. Since then these stupid warranty people have hijacked my phone because every time I answer it it is them trying to sell me an extended warranty that didn't cover shit from the beginning and now they want me to pay more then the car is worth to extend a warranty that doesn't cover any more then the original. Another thing is that you can't even block their number because they call from a different one every time. Any more I don't even answer my phone, it's more their phone then mine but I still pay the bill. It's total bullshit because I'm trying to find employment but can't answer my phone for fear the warranty people are on the other end. GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK OR PAY MY BILL!!!!!