LitNotLitt

 At fifty five years young

I really feel I have just begun

Even though I have been told

That instead of younger I’m old

Some people age and grow

Becoming cautious and slow

I on the other hand

Learn Spanish and join a band

Unlike my peers I have not

Not even what I have bought

Everything just disappears

Along with all the years

I didn’t even pro create

On occasion I masterbate

They say it’s never too late

If you ask me I can’t relate

To most people with a fate

Better then mine

It’s just a matter of time

Before I commit a crime

Or so they think

But not if you blink

All I’m trying to say

Is tomorrow is another day

Choose to live with love

So you will be above

Other people’s bullshit

Even when it’s lit

On fire

Phoenix Camelback Hospital

My Roommate

By Vonia Martin

Way back in the mid 80s my adopted momster sent me to mental institutions in her quest to be rid of me. It was a problem because other then the fact that she just got married there was no other reason. Her and her new husband didn’t want to hurt their sterling reputations so the conspired to rid themselves of me. With any luck they will make it appear to be my decision. Lucky them, putting one over on a foster kid, that has got to be a new low for educated society. No? If not , it should be. 

People that adopt a child should not be allowed to give them back just because they met someone and they don’t want the child for what ever reason. It should not be allowed especially when the child is only a few years from adulthood. 

My adopted momster institutionalized me for years before she was allowed to disown me but no one not one person spoke to me about it or what I wanted. The courts really fucked me on the whole deal but now I am back and ready to prove that it was her that made the mistake of disowning me for someone who only wanted your money. Can’t you see that he has none of his own so you are the only way for him to leave anything for his children but first he has to rid you of me. With an heir you would have no reason to leave his children anything and since he didn’t work to leave his kids something he depends on you to do so. You don’t even care as long as you didn’t have to be alone. Well, he more then earned your money he made sure he wouldn’t go to me. 

After everything I’ve been through with you and your empty promises, my real momster and her  child molesting ways, then the joyful foster care system, then being institutionalized, then being disowned and raped by the family that was suppose to protect me, it is a wonder I haven’t gone postal. Or is that what you are pushing for? Get it over with, no one goes through this much and survives unscathed. 

Yet there is no where for me to turn no one I can count on. Not even my momster who adopted me and looked me up 35 years later because she is so terrified of being alone she uses me again to insure her husband’s children will care for her after he dies. 

All it costs her was a car, all it casts me was my soul.

Congratulations, you win. 

Anyway, to my roommate, I am so sorry I tried to Jack your shirts. I should have told your mom she forgot them but I wanted them so I said nothing and I am sorry. You didn’t deserve that and please forgive me. Thank you in advance.

Vonia Martin

SocietySucks

EspeciallyFredrick, CO.

By Vonia Martin. Copyright 2023

Not too long ago I worked for the little liquor store here in town. For some reason, no for a reason they paid me under the table, meaning they took nothing out in taxes or social security. I know they did not pay the gentleman that worked for them at the same time because I saw them had him a pay roll check. 

What I believe happened is that my “boyfriend” convinced him to do it this way 

so I wouldn’t have enough of a return to leave his ass. He probably paid the $985 it costs to file with the government when I had claimed 0 on my W2. 

I have no evidence to prove this suspicion except my checks and a few things my boss said that could not come from anyone other than my “boyfriend”. What it is that he tells people to get them to do these things is beyond me, other than money.

There is nothing I have done, I was a good employee, that would warrant this behavior yet here we are. People do love to hate me and all I have to do is show up.

This may sound paranoid and maybe I am but I swear me “boyfriend” wants to keep me dependent on him so I can’t get away.

Gluttony

Minimize The Government

I get that we have all these government agencies to protect us from ourselves but who is protecting us from our government? They want us to believe they know what is best for us when in fact they know nothing.

They are not what is best for us. We are suppose to be able to protect ourselves against any outside or inside threat. Lately, the police are as bad as mass shooters. I refer to them as legal criminals. Criminals that are legally committing crimes against its most vulnerable citizens, minorities. As a society we condone this behavior because we think it works, when in fact it is holding us back as a society. If we were really conscious we would stop this deployable behavior and really help those in need. They have been screaming for help for so long we don’t even hear their screams any more. 

The truth is quiet unless it is being ignored then it becomes what ever it has to be to get heard. If that means yelling at the top of my lungs so be it, I will yell.  If it means sacrificing myself for the truth so be it. All I want is to make life better for my people. My people are anyone who has ever been in the foster care system. Anyone who has been institutionalized including prison. Anyone who is homeless or incarcerated, any non violent criminal is my sister or brother. Some of you violent ones are too but I condemn any violence acted against another who is not violent themself.

Leave Trump alone, we had laws in place to keep our formal leaders out of jail. If we do this to him we have to go back as far as they are alive and press charges against all of them too because they can’t serve in office without breaking some laws. It’s why we exempt them while they are in office. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not condoning what he did but other presidents have done worse. Biden you to pardon him.

Earth

OurOnlyParent

By V. Martin

If we’re not careful we will be orphaned and if that happens, if it hasn't already, we are all dead.  We have to protect the few wild animals we have left, above all else because if we don’t we are all dead. We need to manage our snow better because it is an opportunity to control water, saving it in its frozen state where the sun doesn’t shine. We could even pack the snow into shipping container and place them in areas that are at a high fire danger and let it slowly melt keeping the ground moist. 

I’m just brain storming, trying to come up with viable ideas to help end global warming. Some of them might not pan out but all we need is one great idea to turn things around.  Like, how we can safely phase out nuclear power plants. If we could stop thinking that nuclear power is a clean alternative to cole or oil because it’s not.  The nuclear people brag about this power being emissions free when in fact it emits heat and nuclear waste, that we have no idea what to do with.  So far we have been able to avoid a full on melt down but not Russia and Japan both are still dealing with the fallout from those melt downs. Chernobyl alone should have had us stopping in our tracks and looking for a more user friendly energy source.  Nuclear power plants use water towers to cool the nuclear rods, this in itself is an emission, heat. What do we think they do with this water?  Put right back in their a water supply and we have been doing this for 50-70 years this alone could be raising the ocean’s temperature. Water is one of the ways earth cools itself and now that we have raised its temperature the rest of the planet followed. 

Biden needs to lead the way in sustainable energy like the jet stream, we know where it is and which way they run. We need to find a way to tap into their power. Also lightening, there is so much power in lightening we need to figure out how to harness this power because it happens all over the world all the time.  Why or whose bright idea was it to make wind turbines big?  This is not necessary but a great example of how we think, America, where everything is bigger, more powerful, blah blah blah blah.

Dams have got to go!  They are preventing water to flow freely, like it was intended.  Damming doesn’t save us from floods, they help create them.  I have said this before, water is planet earth’s blood and if you block her blood flow parts are going to eventually fall off and help in global warming. There i a direct connection to the temp of the ocean and the brake down of the plastics floating in it.  I have a question; why doesn’t the military clean that mess up?  They are certainly more capable to do so, so please do.

The government needs to make our planet a priority and needs to lead the way, oh no wait, other countries are doing that, not us. We have been in bed with oil industry so long that we don’t know where it begins and we end. The rest of the world already knows what idiots we are, it’s not a secret.  Biden, I know you have the balls to put the oil industry in its place; our rear view, please do so.  The power companies also, need to be down sized moving away from nuclear power and gas powered plants as well. What we need to do is phase out power plants all together.  As individuals we need to take on more power responsibility, sustainable power eventually phasing out all those ugly dangerous wires that are live with electricity.  We never needed to do things the way we did and we need to admit that and get on with doing things differently.  

I would love to experiment with finding more sustainable power sources for which I have a few ideas.  My roommate keeps reminding me that I am a no body so no one is going to listen to me and my dumb ideas.  I am okay with that as long as my dumb ideas lead the really smart people to find the answer. If nothing else they can quickly determine if they have any value or not.  We brain storm to think up all kinds of crazy answers, no matter ho off the wall because as we do that we talk ourselves to look at the logical applications of an idea tweaking it along the way until we have a working model to experiment with.  The more I am able to follow an idea to its bitter end or is awe inspiring start the more other ideas come to light.

If we don’t start doing things differently now we are all going to die.  No one seems too interested in this idea even though it’s the only to save ourselves.  Why are we so reluctant to make changes on a global scale in order to save ourselves?  Are we waiting for the apocalypse before we try to save ourselves because if we are it will be too late.  

WiggingOut

 Wigs

By Vonia Martin

If you’re anything like me your hair starting falling out around age 50. Luckily, I had a massive amount of hair so now I have probably an average amount of hair but still nothing like I used to have. The problem with wigs is that they are so hot! If I wear one for even a short period of time I get way over heated and have to rip it off before I pass out. The main reason they are so hot is all my hair gathered in a bun with a nylon cap pulled over it, then the wig on top of that. So I decided to put a bunch of holes in the wig and that helped a little. Then I remembered back in the day they had these hair frosting kits that came with a plastic cap with a bunch of holes so you can pull your own hair through to frost. I cut small holes in the wig and took a croquette needle with the hook end I put through the holes and hooked some of my hair and pulled it through the holes. GAME CHANGER!!!! Not only is the wig cooler it is more secure using your own hair to anchor it to your head, you can even brush it without it coming off.

I just know that the movie and TV industries will love this wig. Not to mention the theatre and transgender people. Anyone who wants a fuller head of hair or wants streaks but doesn’t want to dye their own hair. They are really cool and won’t fall off or be pulled off and without glue or clips.

IsMyShitEvenOnline?

 AlgorithmsAreHateful

By V. Martin copyright 2023

Not too long ago, I emailed or posted a request to Bill Gates that his algorithms are limiting the people that are most limited already, making it almost impossible for us to get anywhere in the world. Then recently I saw a program on PBS talking about the fact that that is the case. Only she was referring to her people, chocolate colored or just people of color. Of course, I was referring to my people no one’s people, foster people or people without families. Trust me, if you don’t have a family you are no one in this world. When the internet and computers came out, I thought great, finally a place my people can go and be someone. A place where they judge you on your work not your personality or lack there of but on your thinking and ideas. A place where they can’t steal your ideas from you once it is posted online but that is only if you are really online and people can find you online. 

I believe I blog and blog and nothing. Some people may have access but most do not. I say this because I have looked and searched online for an idea I have had, to make sure it wasn’t someone else’s already. When nothing came back I hurried and posted it only for it to not be posted but now belongs to someone else. So either Google is holding onto my blogs in order to steal my ideas or there is an algorithm working against me because it can. 

A year or two ago I saw a commercial online about a bracelet from one of the big jewelry stores that was my idea like 25 plus years ago. So I got online and looked myself up and lo and behold someone with my name had died the day before. So that’s why they were advertising my bracelet because they thought I was dead. So, oh that’s right I blogged about it because I was already suspicious that the internet was working against me. It sucks because companies outlive us all but ideas are forever. What sucks even more is that there is nothing I can do about it and they know it. When you have no family there is little anyone wants to do with you accept to steal from you so as a rule you have very little.  You learn to act stupid so they won’t steal your ideas but you always slip. No it’s not that you slip its just that it doesn’t occur to you that someone would steal someone else’s idea. You mistakenly think this excludes you but it doesn’t.

Most recently, I have had to file for unemployment and it too is rigged against people like me. It is such a circle jerk and by the time you realize it your whole day is gone. They, the unemployment people or algorithm, keeps denying me for one reason or another making it impossible for me to get anywhere let alone receive unemployment. I have been working since I was 15 years old paying into these safe guards the whole time only to be denied at age 54 for insurance I need to pay my bills and eat. 

I didn’t plan on getting fired after I put my two week notice in but that is what happened and they won’t approve my unemployment. It has already been almost three months with no money and my savings is gone. They really don’t want to approve my claim. They state on their website that I am responsible for asking for unemployment every week even if you are not approved or ineligible except there is no way to do so. I have gone over and over all the qualifications and can’t understand why they haven’t given me the money, which isn’t even enough for someone to pay rent with. It’s my money why do I have to beg for it? 

What happens to the money if I’m never approved for it? Do they put it towards your funeral when you die? Or do they give it as part of your estate? No! They keep it to give it to someone else that they deem more deserving than you.

I call that stealing just like all insurance, legalized theft. Paying, in advance, for shit that may never happen and when it doesn’t happen they just keep all that money, leaving poor people poorer. Of course, poor people’s insurance rates are much higher because, you guessed it, because they are poor. It’s just another way they get your money for nothing. 

If this denial has something to do with IHOP and the fact that I did a no call no show it’s because the manager embarrassed me in front of the whole restaurant. He implied that I was incapable of doing my job and proceeded to wait on a large table himself, rather than help me do my job in a more efficient, timely manner. Everyone in the restaurant heard him tell the cooks that he would be waiting on the big top table because it was better than letting V do it, to another employee he said this. Other employees had been bullying me and making fun of me and I ignored it because I got the sense, from the manager, my complaints would go unheard. So, I didn’t bother to show up. Not only that they wanted me to be a manager which I didn’t want to do and told them so the first time but I gave in the second time. Mostly I didn’t want to because I would have to work nights and I just don’t drive as well at night because it’s harder to see. I mean I can drive at night but I don’t like to because I have a hard time seeing.

InflationAndMinimumWage

 GoHandAndHand

  By V. Martin copyright 2023

      Why do we think companies are going to be willing to make less money by paying their employees 

 more?  It’s just not going to happen, so every time minimum wage goes up, so do all the prices to off set 

The “losses” companies fore see due to having to pay their employees more because it doesn’t just stop                   

with minimum wage earners. In this case we expect water to run up hill, defying gravity and all known physics and order of all things, shit runs down hill, not up. Why would people knowingly now make minimum wage when they made above that the day before? Or continue to let someone who made minimum wage the year before make more then you now? Why? So the company can maintain its bottom line and the poverty gap narrows? Who’s falling for this bullshit? 

     In my opinion inflation is out of control because minimum wage is increasing on a schedule the next few years and companies want to get ahead of this never mind all the expense of going green. Any reason to keep the poor right where they have always been, making money for the 1%. It’s pretty fucking obvious, if truth be told, anything to get our money for nothing. What do we need it for anyway? Look what we spend the little bit we get? Booze and pot? Why? To forget what slaves we all still are? There is another way. 

     Bitcoin is a start but it’s ultimately following in the dollars footsteps. Monetary dynamics are at its end. 

It’s just not sustainable nor is its ill gotten gains. We are raping and pillaging our only parent, Mother Earth. Our fathers only saw an endless supply of natural resources their families and friends could cash in on and boy have they. Unfortunately, they have left nothing but death, destruction, and diseases in their wake. Their companies and families will out live us mere mortals so to make sure they always have the upper hand they will always out live any one person with a few good marketable ideas. They can hear everything we say, they can see everything we type and text so they can sell us things we don’t really need. But they need our money so they tell us what to buy and now with subscriptions they know what we are going to buy and when and how much and what to sell us next before we even know we need it. CRAZY. 

     Most of the shit we have to have is just that SHIT! If I can’t take it with me when I die, do I really need it? Or even better still is it really mine? I came into this world with nothing and we all go out the same way and everything in between, other than the experience itself, is all borrowed and doesn’t belong to any of us. I know some of us will be irresponsible and immature enough to want to use and abuse ( rape and pillage) so they get their fair share of what’s left. You know this is all she has left to sustain, we don’t even know how many can remain without harming her anymore, she will decide that. I think she is holding out as long as she can with the hope we will pull our heads out of our asses and stop with the greed. Greed is not good, greed is ugly, selfish, unsustainable, and stupid. People with money should only have the upper hand in that they get to decide what world problem they want to fund and solve for the good of all man kind.

     It is our duty to help those weaker than ourselves, honor is the reward for serving them. What is more humble than that? What act more gracious? Yet I am told by those closest I lack both. Yet their examples are lacking to produce a working model of any of the traits they say I lack duty, honor, humility, and grace. My response is always the same; be the example not the exception. What I really believe is going on they themselves are lacking and instead of working on themselves they try to tear me down. What they fail to realize is that there is no further down then where I’m already at, except six feet under. Have you ever tried to tear something down lower than yourself? Not so easy. So do you step down or raise everything up first? 

Remarkable Markel

 Sparkle and Shine

  By Vonia Martin copyright 2023

   Along time ago I was faced with some choices

   My eyes were closed but I could hear the voices

   Telling me to do no good, yes I understood

   It wasn’t hard to figure out, that I have no doubt

   Truth is simple, not complicated but easy

   Life, not so much, it’s not easy or breezy

   It’s a big pile of shit with sleazy 

   On top just don’t drop

   The mic until you’re a winner

   Winner not to be confused with sinner

   Not many of us are remarkable

   Except the lovely Megan Markel

   She stands with her people

   Along with her man 

   He’s not just any man 

   But a prince

   Together they shine

   A light on what needs to change

   Admitting all the attention is strange

   But as long as they have it 

   They will reveal and admit

   We have along way to go

   If we want to ever know

   Our world without hate

   Love is the only state

   To be in

   It’s not confusing 

   so don’t complicate

   A world that can sparkle

   Along with H and M. Markel

   Can’t be all bad

   Nor are they a fad

   But here to stay

   Someone has to lead the way

   If we want to breathe another day.

   So rock on our only royalty

   Even if you half belong to another country.

   

  

 

   

WhyAreYouHittingYouself?

 As They Grab Your Arm And Hit You With It

 By Vonia Martin copyright 2023

Just when I thought I had met every type of person there could be, I am confronted with another. Evolution is a bitch until we get it right. There in’t much right about this type of being if you are vulnerable but nothing wrong if you are not. They may spend their entire life not knowing what a monster they are. Let me rephrase that, they will never know what a monster they are because to them they are perfect, it is the weak that are flawed. They believe it is their duty to rid the world of the likes of me, the unwanted, the noones, the orphans, the famililess. We are the cause of all crime because what choice do we have? I’m not referring to the adopted ones at least not the ones that are adopted at birth. The ones that knew their parents or at least their Mom before going into the system, you are who I’m referring to. 

Not much changes when you are afraid you may not even survive the day, after day. Until it does. One day the prey decides to talk to anyone who will listen to discuss how they might become safer. The predator then adapts to these changes but what would happen if the prey one day decides to stop running? What if instead of running does something nice for the one hunting them? Like gathering some fruits and veggies for the predator to eat? More like the lion and the mouse. Love and kindness can tame even the king of the jungle but violence begets more violence. Love begets more love, you figure it out.

Only by the time you do it will be too late. I’m trying any and every tactic I can think of to get people to notice that our planet is dying and to make sacrifices now, maybe even a lot of them. Definitely changes have to be made by everyone, solutions must be thought of and experiments must be conducted in a responsible manner but fast. 

I keep telling myself that I don’t care. Good riddance to bad rubbish (meaning humans) yet I find myself brainstorming ideas with myself hoping I may think of something that will trigger something in someone who actually knows what the fuck they are doing and talking about that leads to a thought that triggers a thought and so on. Meaning that I don’t expect to solve any real problems just make those that are aware of the problems they are probably already aware of and solving as I type. LOL That’s all nothing less or lesser. It’s all I have so throw a girl a bone.

As you and anyone else who may read this shit on a semi regular basis know I am no professional anything, I don’t even have a degree. What I do have is an over active sense of common sense and that sixth one as well. Extraperceptive. You have to be to survive the system, no it’s not the system it’s surviving after the system.

WillSmith; I got this

Let Him Off The Hook

By Vonia Martin

Please understand this is my opinion, I am not a professional, anything. Yet listen to me anyway because if you think about it I make perfect sense just like the truth should.

Will Smith reacted to an extremely stressful situation brought on by his nomination for best actor. We need to remember how few and far between these awards have made it to those that truly deserve them. Will’s worst nightmare manifested itself at exactly the right moment to have maximum effect. The last thing he wanted to do was exactly what he ended up doing, almost as though he couldn’t help it. No matter how much he practiced and rehearsed, centuries of doubt and muscle memory was festering beneath his well groomed and 

posture. None of his acting skills could save him from this personal reaction. 

Will doesn’t even know why he did what he did, exactly. I believe this is a phenomenon that occurs during times of extreme stress with little to no examples from ancestors, history, or friends. 

It is hard to say if Will will agree with me (mostly I wanted to type Will’s will. LOL) He probably wants to move on from this as he should. His positive, uplifting energy has inspired countless young men, black and every other color, to be better and give back. Me included and I’m an old lady. We should not “get rid” of someone who has clearly demonstrated, up until the time of the incidence, someone with morals and values beyond reproach. Even in the aftermath he stated he was defending his wife’s honor, we choose not to excuse him? Why? Because he is black?

In my opinion this could only happen to someone in Will’s unique situation. True, it should not be unique when you look at the contributions my chocolate bothers and sisters have made in everyone’s lives. 

Yo, Tyler, don’t go thinking that I’m writing this just to kiss your ass, I’m not. You just, no actually it was the guy that wrote the post who inspired to write what I’ve been thinking since the Oscars about what happened to Will. Like I said I could be way wrong and in which case hahaha, what do I know?

My other thought on this is that white people are threatening affluent chocolate people to behave badly in public so they can point their fingers and say “See, what did we tell you, savages.” Or is that what they said about our native people? 

The only reason I’m close to this situation is because I have been living with this phenomenon since I was six years old. Just like prayer, what people think and believe on a mass scale definitely effects the ones they think about. Prayer in reverse. It can have a long lasting influence on those not so close to the subject.

What I really want to say is to Will himself; you are better then this, do not let it define you but let it guide you to a deeper understanding of what you and others like you have to face by being successful. You have the unique opportunity to speak, to those fallowing in your foot steps, about how it could easily happen to them. Now let’s you and the rest of the world look forward to what you will, pun intended, do next.

Asshole

Everyone Has One

But you have two

By Vonia Martin

Your hand is still wrapped around my heart

Or what is left of it after tearing it apart

You think I can’t relate

When we all masterbate

So I say to you

I’m finally through

Through living this lie

On you I can’t rely

All you do is hate

When you should masterbate

If you think about it

We never really fit

Release me from your grip

Or I’ll give you a bloody lip

I know it’s a short trip

But stop driving me crazy

I thought you were too lazy

But here we are

We’ve come this far

Which has lead us no where

Not that you even care

Control your own fate

You can always masterbate

You should stop playing with yourself

Put the lube back on the shelf

You can always get more 

But you can’t close the door

When you can’t get a grip

Damn that lube is slick

Better to masterbate 

With some lubricant 

ADOPTIONsucks

When They Give You Back

By V. Martin

When I was eleven I was sent to live with a single lady named Phyllis. I had already been in the system since the age of six along with my brother but they separated us when I was eight. Many, many foster homes later and finally someone might adopt me but not my brother. He was already adopted in Colorado and I hadn’t seen him since nor heard from him. Later, I fund out that he had been writing me but my adopted mother kept the letters from me. It was by accident that I found out, checking the mail before Phyllis got home. She never wanted what was best for me if it was contradictory to what she thought was. Don’t get me wrong, she is a nice enough person, just not to me.

It is my belief that she wanted to get rid of me before she met Frank. (The man she leaves me for) 

My personality leaves a bit to be desired or so I’m told and by people with none what so ever. Anyway, I believe it’s my fault because it keeps happening! At twelve she adopted me but only because my case worker told her if she didn’t she would. I only say this because her daughter was introduced to and started hanging out even came to my 12th birthday “party”. Only 3 people came so it wasn’t much of a party but her daughter was. I, unfortunately, acted like an ass so that was the last time I saw her or because Phyllis adopted me, either way she adopted me because she believed someone else would if she didn’t. 

Not the best way to start a relationship. My life would be so much different now if she had or maybe the same, who knows. All I do know is the one I have and in it she disowns me at fifteen when she met her husband to be. 

She wanted to get rid of me from the beginning because they never introduced me to his kids. His kids kids didn’t even come to the wedding but they came to the reception because I was conveniently made to go decorate the honeymoon car. When I think about it I can still remember the panic look on her face when his kids got there early and I wasn’t in the parking lot. Someone, maybe one of his brothers distracted me with the car thing that was never quite right until it was over.

So, his whole family knew they were trying to get rid of me even participated, no conspired to rid themselves of me. The thing is they never told family court that was why. She never told them she got married because she didn’t want that to be the reason, no they tricked me into saying I didn’t want to be there that way they could blame me and get everyone’s sympathy, like I broke their hearts or something. Thinking about it now I get so pissed off because they suffered no consequences what so ever. I, on the other hand, have suffered far beyond words can even convey, so I won’t even try. 

People with empathy can only imagine, unfortunately, I don’t know any. People treat me like she wanted them to, it is my fault I’m without a family, I chose to have no one and nothing, I chose to live on the streets and get taken advantage of. 

Even now they want me to believe I chose to go back into the system that I rejected them!!! How is this possible? What person or court would believe these outrages statements? The courts and all of society, against all common sense they believe this even now. Even with me saying that is not how it went down! No one not even intelligent, logical human beings, not even a judge of the court heard my words “ I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted!” That is all I had to say and I was sent to an orphanage in Phoenix never to live with them again. 

She found me again some years ago because she was afraid if her husband dies before her who will take care of her? Obviously, she didn’t think his kids would so she so graciously looked me up to make them nervous or jealous or what, I’m not completely sure but it didn’t take long and I haven’t heard from her since. I’m sure once again she is blaming me. All I wanted to know is why she wanted to get rid of me so bad and she accused me of being “negative” so I told her I wouldn’t bother her again and I haven’t.

I find myself missing her, sometimes, but then the pain of being used, yet again, creeps over me and my heart hardens once again.

Why people hate me I wish I knew because I’m a pretty cool person and I’m funny. I’m a lot of fun too and if given a chance can be very handy to have around. I see what most people don’t. My IQ is 137 so I’m not stupid. I have the Astrological chart of a super star and the DNA of a rock star yet without people… Criminals aren’t very supportive of the people they surround themselves with and who was left for me to live with? I was alone, sexually abused, I had PTSD maybe still do because the first time wasn’t enough nor the second time. All I keep thinking is that she had to finish the job. When her life insurance policy on me finally expired so she didn’t get anything but what she put into it motivated her to make sure I was indeed still alive. She was playing the numbers but this time they lied. Haha. 

When you have no one everyone thinks you won’t last long. I get it who wants to live without people? Not many but I do because no matter what they can’t take my humanity and as long as I’m alive I can help other people.

Talk about pissing people off!!!! They use to hate me now they despise me because I help instead of take advantage of and they hate me even more. They recent me for trying to be a better person. They take it personally, like I’m trying to be better then them or make them look bad because I’m trying to do good. People are mother fucking fucked up!!!! Just because I have made it this far doesn’t mean I’m evil it just means I’m stuck because I’ve tried every thing short of pulling the trigger not to be here but life likes me. It’s the only thing that I can think of because technically and if it were anyone else should and would be dead. There is something I’m suppose to do before life will let me out of this living thing but it’s not telling me what it is. I must be getting close because for the first time I got my full Astrological birth chart but it is also the first time that I look it up myself and not someone else so it’s hard for me to know why. 

It does seem as though it belongs to someone else because I’m such a loser but that isn’t all my fault. I surround myself with people that hate me and don’t want anything good for me, especially success. They want to keep me in my place so they can continue to use me.

My adopted mother thinks I deserve it because when I asked her to help me get away from these people.she too blamed me. She had to or admit what she did to me so here I stay. Surrounded by someone whose only intention is to take advantage of me until I kill myself.  It’s all about power and control. When you have no one you’re fairly powerless and a great target for predators. Mine just happens to be a retired teacher and hides behind his education to keep me with him. No one wants to believe that a teacher would do this to someone, only he’s not he’s doing it to me and I’m no one so there is no hope and he knows it. This is my life and I better be grateful for it because it is never going to be any better then this. The man I live with thinks that this is all I should want and because of his I have, what? Nothing and that is all I will ever have. Right now I have a place to live and I would be way more grateful for it if it didn’t come at such a huge price. 

RodneyKing

Dethroned

By V. Martin

After watching the horrific beating that man took by multiple police officers I can barely contain my anger.  Anger at everyone, myself included, for not standing up for this man from the beginning. Those officers need to be held accountable for what they did wether Mr. King believes he deserved it or not. We, no I, know better. No one no matter what they did to get the attention of the police deserve to be beat within an inch of their life, period. Short of molesting a tender age child, that is, for which I don’t believe he did. Anyway, Mr. King, obviously, was beaten so severely that even he believed he deserved it. It makes it easier for him to move on and take back some of the power and control he lost that night. 

There is also another theory that I have and that is the police beat him into it, probably threatening his life and the lives of the people he loves. Telling him with every blow that he asked for it. What did he think would happen? Driving at night through a part of town he had no business in? Who did he think he was? Pain, physical pain, inflicted so cruelly and with night sticks by the very people that are suppose to protect you, changes a person. Fear of it happening again or worse to the people you care most about can be the greatest motivator of all. 

As a society it is our job to protect its citizens when they cannot protect themselves. It is a form of PTSD and that night Mr. King stepped into a war he didn’t know existed or had forgotten he was still a soldier in. The war on drugs was simply a war on chocolate colored people, drugs was just the excuse they used to engage them, brutalize and kill them. 

Unfortunately, it is probably too late to get justice, not only for Mr. King but for his entire family and any people those police officers have brutalized since. Mr. King, I hope you are doing well and please forgive me for not defending you when you could not defend yourself. You in no way deserved what you got unless you were found molesting a tender age child or any child for that matter, which I don’t believe you were. Those cops did not have to beat you, they could have put you in cuffs rendering you defenseless. From what I saw you already were but they kept on hitting, kicking, bashing you with a night stick. They nearly killed you and probably gave you brain damage, that too could contribute to your delusions of asking for it.

Don’t get me wrong, it is in no way your fault. I mean you didn’t have a knife or a gun? I never even saw you try to hit any of them nor put up a hand to block their blows, you just took it and kept on taking it. It’s impossible for me to know exactly how you must have felt or still feel so I won’t pretend to. I have PTSD and I am becoming good at spotting it in others, now, not then. Trauma isn’t hard to spot when it is caught on camera and you know the signs in their reaction. 

I hope to do better going forward.

GreatestGenerationMyAss

 NuclearIsEvil

By V. Martin

Dare I say that the generation they say was the greatest was, in my opinion, the worst.  This is the generation that invented the “A” bomb and dropped two of them on Japan. This is the worst and most devastating act humans have ever perpetrated. Mass murder of innocent women, children, the elderly, the sick, everyone. Sure we warned them to get out but in what language and where we’re they suppose to go? They live on an island. I get that they attacked us at Pearl Harbor on December 7th 1941 and caught us with our pants down, so to speak. What we did to them in return is what we now call over kill since we dropped two. 

It is also my belief that it is why most of the men that fought in WW2 never talk about it. No matter how bad it was for them the Japanese got it much much worse and our soldiers had only one way to honor those we murdered, in silence. Not to mention kicked off our love affair with nuclear power. Like most love affairs it has burned out but the radiation lives on. The rods still need to be cooled, accidents still happen, time keeps ticking and little are being maintained to the standards they should be. I need someone to explain to me how we decided nuclear was the way to go? What words where used what promises were made to get us on board with this “cheap” energy. After Chernobyl any and all such power plants should have been closed yet we built more. WTF? 

Chernobyl is still uninhabitable for more then 5 minutes at a time. Ask the Russians soldiers that stayed there recently. I believe Chernobyl is why Putin is at war with the Ukraines because those are the people from Chernobyl. When they had to flea the radiation they went to Ukraine, safe from the fallout. Not that it was their fault for the meltdown but did they stay for the clean up or warn the rest of Russia what had happened. Only Putin really knows but from his actions this is what I think may be his problem with Ukraine. Not that I am for the war but I can understand the nuclear thing, it has to stop. Chernobyl alone could be causing most of the global warming and we need to do better at finding a solution because it is effecting the whole planet. Covering it up, burying it in concrete is no solution we have to do better. 

We are responsible for the worst acts a human has ever committed and yet we are not held accountable nor do we suffer any direct consequences. It is America that took it apron itself to exploit Mother Nature and her resources. It is America where the automobile was invented jump starting the automotive industry. Americans invented cigarettes, moonshine, and god knows how many other non planet friendly habits. Hell, it seems like America had it out for Mother Nature since the beginning. Other countries didn’t invent airplanes or any of the above because they probably knew better. It was America that taught the rest of the world to strip the planet of all its resources never replacing them with anything but air. 

What’s even better still is that our government picked a very few to cash in on these resources, mostly big campaign contributors. They had to buy their support with something and what better then with something that is free to them but they can charge everybody else for. Money for nothing. 

Now we really get to reap the rewards for all the raping and pillaging we have done. Who sticks up for Mother Nature? The indigenous people but they are feeling global warming more than anyone. Yet we do nothing different. 

It seems to me that we don’t like breathing clean air or drinking clean water. We have known for a long time that we are killing our planet with our bad habits and addictions. 

We don’t like bugs so we invent a plant that slows down their reproductive abilities when they eat it. It has to be better then bug spray, only it is at not killing but preventing the bugs from procreating. Unfortunately, other bugs and animals counted on that bug for survival so their numbers dropped then so did the animals that ate that bird or bug and so on. We are all connected, we cannot do to one and not do it to us all. Our government needs to stop doing everything else until the problem is fixed. Our planet should have priority over everything because without it we are all dead. We should work with Mother Nature not against her and anything destructive is bad, everything we define as progress needs to stop because if it hurts the planet it is not progress that is feeding the problem. 

Obviously, I will not win many friends stating the facts but we need to be more aware of what we do and how it affects the earth.