Foster Families Not Children

Keep Kids With Their Families

By V. Martin

The last thing we should be doing is removing children from their homes, separating them from their family. Instead the whole family should be put in foster care until they are ready to stay together. They should take classes and go to therapy to work out whatever their problems are. They may want to take some classes on parenting and how to handle money responsibly to relieve some of the stress that comes with poverty. Kids without families is unacceptable no one will ever take better care of a child than their family. Mostly I am referring to older children in the foster care system what kind of chance do they have? Everything should be done to keep them from entering the system. Then after all other options are exhausted only then will it even be considered as an option. When an older child is abandoned they have no choice but to believe it’s them so the whole family needs to be involved so the child knows it’s not them. It’s their parents, so we need to treat the whole family.

To My Sisters and Brothers in Foster Care(the People Pound)

More From The People Pound

by Vonia Martin

My fellow foster care kids, that can at least read. I realize the state tries to keep you all separated from one another but I believe this is a mistake. Who better can understand these kids then other foster children? In the past this was cause for concern thinking you all would be a bad influence on one another and in part that might be true. Under a structured and loosely supervised group meetings for at risk youth around the community might actually help everyone. You should be involved in your community, where ever you are, the more involved you get the more they will want to keep you around. Make yourself necessary, volunteer to help people around you, if they won't let you be an opportunist and help where ever you see the need. Very few people will reject your aid if in that moment they have no choice, that does not mean go about creating the need so don't go there. If no one needs your help immediately maybe find a shelter or soup kitchen, what ever it is find something that you can give back to the communities you are staying in. There is nothing more empowering, other then quitting something your addicted to, then helping others less fortunate then you. Yes, you are headed to being the person in need that is why you're putting in the time while you still have a place to live. Any way meet more people like you, start a network of foster kids, for foster kids. It sucks that you don't have a cell phone but I'm hoping to change that but first you all need to make sure you know how to read because it's all about the texting.

If you are a foster kid that has committed crimes and still are; stop. If you are under age come clean on the crimes you've committed to your case worker. If you listened to me you are already doing community service so you may not have to spend time in juvie but if you do you do. Do your time but help others while your there always look to help other no matter what fucked up situation you find yourself in. Not only will it give you purpose it will help the time pass faster and you may get out early, if you want to. Try not to get institutionalized no matter how long your in and helping others is a good way to pass time. Exercise, no matter what find a way to work out, run, walk, jog just do something, spend your time wisely. Have the greatest positive impacted on those around you.

Remember, you are better then everyone else so act like it. Don't let others drag you down and don't let the fact that you have no family strip you of all self worth. Family isn't always the one you are born to, sometimes we have to piece it together from what others tossed aside. Help one another not just other foster kids but everyone. First other foster kids because like you they have only you, show them the way, lead by example. Always be the example not the exception. You are already exceptional you have survived what most could not. We are not meant to be sacrificed we are meant for greatness so it's time to act like it. No one is as strong, no one is as flexible, no one is as tough; mentally and emotionally then some one who's been through life with no one. With the exception of veterans. We should not be the go to pool for suspects in crimes, we should be the ones out there stopping our bothers and sisters from going over the edge and giving in to what everyone believes about us. It is our duty to break free of t prejudices about whom they deem disposable. Be your brother’s keeper, we need to reach out to one another and find strength, not in our numbers because we are the minority but that's only because we die before we reach 21. A lot of us by our own hands. Stop with the suicide and the false confessions no matter how much society deserves it for falsely accusing you and badgering you into a confession, don't. Turn around and offer to help them find the one who did it, if they would care to do so but under no circumstance do you admit to something you didn't do. It's hard to do when you've been conditioned your whole people pound life to do just that. It's so much easier to just confess and give them what they want and the fact that the real criminal is still out there only makes you sleep better at night. The reason why the kids in the people pound are the go to suspect pool is because cops know they can get a confession out of them. Case closed. You get a place to live three meals, structure, security, and finally you can meet all your brothers or sisters. 

You may wonder why I'm telling you all this, it is for your own good, first of all. Second of all I'm tired of society using us to clean up their messes and then practically putting the gun in our hands so we blow our own head off before we get to being to big of a burden on society. If you're in prison now for something you didn't do you better start making some noise because no one cares but me and I am the same as you, no one. I do know one thing, silence is not the answer. I have a big mouth and it only gets louder the more people tell me to shut up because I hit a nerve. Society is ashamed of the piss poor job they are doing at turning us into productive citizens. They want you to believe that other people in your situation has come out alright so what's your problem? The people that they refer to are adopted babies, they actually stand a chance, older kids, not so much. Don't let them make you feel bad if you haven't been able to put all this night mare has to offer in perspective, you are not alone. All I can tell you is that you are better so act it, don't let them take that away from you, be proud of who you are, be the better person. Show everyone just what you are made of; survival is the key. Stay alive long enough for me to figure this out. I have a few demons of my own that I'm putting to bed so I can put myself in a position to help you. You are the reason I've made it this far, against all odds, you are the reason I live now, you are all my children and I love you so much it hurts. If I only had a wider arm span, I would gather you all to me and even if you fight me, I would take it, knowing it's just your fear. You can let that go, they can only hurt you if you let them. Be your own person, you need no one to teach you how to be a better person so start practicing. Hold your head high and no matter what don't let them take your pride because it is the one thing you have that will drive them crazy. Never let them see your vulnerabilities always act like you don't need them no matter how badly you do. Build the biggest baddest wall around yourself you can and only let those that are like you in. Believe me the best revenge is the one they don't see coming. Take from them their precious suspect pool stop letting them entrap you into being the scape goat. They will use your desperate need to fit in against you if you let them, don't, nine out of ten times they are setting you up to take the fall for something they did. They can only do this if they think you need them, don't. If there are adults abusing you in any way, suck it up because the next situation will only be worse. Soon they will move you any way. Times are changing, our world is changing and only the strong will survive, people that are preconditioned for what's to come is you and me. They may not realize it but we are the ones that will inherit the earth once no one else can survive on it. 

We may appear weak now but that is about to change and we won't ever treat anyone the way we've been treated, we will come up with a better way to honor our most fortunate people without the confines of a family. Family is just another way to keep us from fully reaching our potential. Give me all the people I can to form myself by, the more people you have to pick and choose from the better. From experience, there is't a whole lot that people show you that you will want to take on for yourself. Be patient find those whom you can admire and respect, study them and take on for yourself those qualities you deem valuable, the ones that will make you an even better human being than you already are. 

Please, what ever you do, don't let them win, don't become a statistic. Don't let them win you are better then that and I need you. Each and everyone has value beyond what you see and feel and way beyond what you are told. That's not enough, it will never be enough. As a disposable person you will have to prove your worth each and everyday, you will have to walk the line like no one else because they will be watching and waiting for you to fall. Don't let them fool you, they have no intentions of catching you. Just like all the other lies you've been told they have no intentions of catching you as soon as you let go they will step aside letting you hit the ground. Not to worry, if you follow my instructions you'll just fall through the trap door you installed when you got there. Honesty drives people crazy, they don't expect you to throw their words back in their face when you catch them in a lie. As you know people feel obligated to lie to you, like you don't know the truth when you hear it, it's because you do that you feel there is no reason to go on if all you are going to get is lied to. My first rule is no foster child should be lying, it's beneath you. Your honesty will piss people off because they think how dare you, a disposable person be better then them. Fuck them you are better that's why you dare. They need you more then you do them. It's only through making you feel bad and reminding you that you have no one and nothing that they can feel good about themselves, that is not the kind of person you are. You help people, you lift them up when they are down and at great sacrifice to yourself. Always be for the under dog the weaker, less fortunate. I know you will feel like that is you but it's not if you are to survive because they will try to take you down, get you to kill yourself before you can become a greater burden on society.  Don't let their prejudice end you. 

When the shit hits the fan, as our world changes, it is going to the strong ones to bring order to chaos. It's going to take those that have already been through and survived the worse the "best" of us has to throw at us. Please hang in there, I'm taking the steps I need to for you. All of you are my priority, you are whom I'm living for, working for. With any luck and a lot of hard work, I will always be there for you with a home you will always be welcome because it will be your home, one no one can take from you but one you have to leave it to kids like you.

Another Empty Blog

Not as Empty As a Foster Kid

By Vonia Martin

Please excuse me while I attempt to walk a mile in a foster child’s shoes. I know I keep bringing up the subject but I just can’t get over how horrible things can be for these children. It’s not just that they have no family, they have no hope.  What is a life without, literally every thing? Do any of us really know what that means? Imagine what your life would be like with no family, no home, no where to turn, no one on your side? Where is the hope in that? These are just some of the larger then life things you're missing but what about the countless little things that make up a human being? It's these nameless traits, gestures, expressions, mannerisms, old wives tales, empathies, nurturing, ways we take on for ourselves we get from our families without a word being spoken. How we carry ourselves and present ourselves to the world, confidence, self preservation, and so much more that there isn't even words for because we just do it, following our parent's lead. Without a father you have little hope of learning about respect; self and for others. A girl without self respect is an easy target for many to take advantage of, sexually. So there you have it just a small portion of what life is like for one of the disposable people. As a society we love disposable things, we purposely make single use stuff our land fills are full of them. Our tolerance for these things should not exist nor should it tolerate throwing children into a system that doesn't foster shit, let alone children.
When you are a foster child everything reminds you that you are less then a person. All the shows on TV tell you family is everything, there for you have nothing. Who gives us value? Who sticks up for you no matter what? Who stops the predators from taking advantage? Without family you are no one and everyone treats you like you are a piece of shit, that some won’t even acknowledge you as a human being. Others resent you for being alive, to them you are a waste of flesh that doesn't deserve anything but the scraps society so generously throws at you. Then beat the day lights out of you if you don’t act like the monster they perceive you to be. If it weren’t for the fact that I am cute and men want to stick their penises in me I wouldn’t be alive. If it weren’t for egomaniacs that think they are doing me a favor by using me for sex and degradation, I might have some self respect. Survival can make you compromise a lot. As most survivors will question the trade off. Is surviving the most important thing? What about self respect? What about being true to yourself? It goes out the window when you are faced with not just death but the torture that occurs prior to death. These kids don't even have the ability to get a drivers license, who is going to teach them to drive? Who's going to insure them? Why not get a bus pass? With what money? A lot of these kids run away before they are 18 knowing their time is up it is their only way to claim some control over their own lives. Especially the boys because they have to register with selective service, it's the law. In a foster boys mind at 18 he will be braking the law not being able to register without an address to register with. So they hit the streets avoiding any contact with the law. These kids usually have no ID again no address and probably no birth certificate or social security card.
Things are changing, slowly, for these people but the best way we can serve them is to keep children with their families. The last thing we should be doing is creating more of the same. The whole family should be put in foster care that way everyone can learn what a functioning family looks and acts like. The foster family should mirror the troubled one in every way except behavior. The Moms should be in a room together with their daughters and the same for the men and their sons. No one should be alone with anyone member of either family, 3 or more should be the rule, for everyones safety. We have TV shows about the miracle nanny what about the miracle foster family? Talk about reality try a foster kid’s reality? Liability is a bitch when no one is liable. All I know is we need to try different things for different families. First we need to listen to everyone in the family, individually and collectively before coming up with a game plan to treat the family as a whole, no one should be separated. When we take a kid away from their family that child thinks they are to blame, it is their fault their family is being put through hell. It doesn't matter how many beatings they have endured because those are their fault too so we only amplify these feelings and add a few worse ones by ripping them from all they have ever known. Rarely, do these kids get treated any better in foster care. I am probably preaching to the choir so out of touch am I with the times. As long as something is being done to get these numbers lowered especially the teen pregnancy and suicide rate.
The suicide rate among  the police, foster kids(CES), veterans, and Native Americans. is staggering, most don't make it to their 21st birthday. Not of the 400,000 but of the 40,000-50,000 that age out of the system or run away before they do. These people are at higher risk for human traffickers, perverts, murder, suicide, pedaphiles(I thinks that's how to spell that) and false confessions. Not to mention at higher risk to leave behind more foster kids when they disappear or die. Sex becomes a way of life for these people because what else do they have? Nothing. So it's at least a means to an end or the end to the mean. There is no end to the mean, mean seems to live forever inside the heart of its victims.
These people are pre trained and conditioned to take the blame for shit they didn’t do! Our prisons are full of them! Where else are you going to go? You have no home or family, you live on the streets.
There is nothing humane about foster care or the way society treats these kids. Some are very troubled but who wouldn't be? I don't mean to blame foster families, they may not have the means to care for them after 18 but who will? Our prisons and mental institutions? If a kid aging out of the system has no car, phone, ID, skills, home, or family what are they suppose to do? No one will hire you, even if you could get around to find a job, not without a social security number and an ID or address or phone. All they can do is go stand in line at the work force places, if there is one close by. Really that's all these kids can do is fill the jobs our illegal immigrants use to do. At least it's something.
I watch a lot of crime shows on TV and every single one of them uses foster kids as there suspect pool first. Why? Because they get the most confessions from this group of people. My problem is that I don't believe they all did it, I believe they falsely confess. These kids have been taking the blame for everything since they were abandoned by their families. Foster parents usually have their own kids and it's so much easier for them to set up the foster kid to take the blame and their parents are eager to believe it too. No matter how much the foster kid denies it, no matter what the proof is that clears them they will be blamed. Eventually you give up trying, you just admit to things you didn't do, it's easier that way. After foster care they find themselves on the street, homeless, until they get picked up by the police. All of a sudden they have a roof over their head and three meals a day, not bad in the eyes of a foster child. Who cares that their confessions leave criminals on the street, not them, not after the interrogation they went through. In the kids eyes it's what society deserves for abandoning them completely on their eighteenth birthday and then use them to get a false confession.
Most of these kids have been used for whatever purpose, mostly sex, to the point even they believe that's all they are good for. A lot of them are so desperate for love they don't even know what is happening to them is wrong. Foster children have a warped sense of what is appropriate because what is done to them isn't. If a foster child has enough nerve or sense of right and wrong to question what is being done to them they are made to regret that.
There are 400,000 + children entering the foster care system each and every year and this number hasn't changed much over the years. Why? My theory is that foster children have children and some where along the way the parents get killed or kill themselves. They had no family and now their kids have no family so into the system they go. Not the entire 400,000 will age out, most will go back to their families only a fraction say 40,000 to 50,000 won't find a forever home and of them most will run away before 18. Foster children are easily tortured by the foster families real children, kids can be very cruel. If given an opportunity they can convince the foster kid that at 18 they will have to leave. As soon as the state cuts off the money they will no longer be welcome. Foster kids lose their voice a few years into the nightmare that has become their life besides no one listens. It's the lack of an audience to hear their cries that at first hurts the most so you get louder it's then you realize they can hear you just fine they are choosing not to listen. So you stop trying to be heard, you learn to suck it up, store all the pain some where deep inside yourself so not even you knows where it is. Until you do. Even if they don't, keeping it all on the surface only enrages the people around you. They think; how dare you? The nerve some of these kids have! They really think they should be treated the same as everyone else! Don't they know their family has abandoned them? That because of my kindness and generosity they have a place to sleep. Sure it maybe in a kennel with the family dog but what do they expect? To sleep with my children? Oh hell no they aren't really people anyway, their family had a reason for tossing them aside. You keep telling yourself that. You have to sleep with one eye opened or risk the unthinkable being done to you in your sleep. So you see sleeping in a kennel with the family dog isn't so bad.
My idea was that I could handle the abuse way more then I could tolerate watching someone else get molested, raped, or worse. I was always sticking up for the under dog I just never realized I was the under dog. Being a foster kid didn't stop me from pointing out any and all injustices I endured. I also questioned authority at every turn, daring them to do what they say when I knew all the while they were lying. People like to blow smoke up your ass when they have no one to answer to. It must be human nature to raise yourself up by putting some one less fortunate down. There isn't anyone lower than a foster kid. They also find it really easy to to take what ever they want from you since they don't have to answer to anyone. For example; the fifth foster home I was in was a Polish family with 3 daughters of their own the youngest was 14 when I went to live with them. I was 10 years old. With all their daughters going to the same high school so the whole family befriended a Japanese foreign exchange student, I can't remember his name. When his mother came to visit him she wanted to meet the whole family, me included. Come to find out she was quite wealthy and as a sign of her appreciation she bought every one a ring with their birth stone, me included! For the first time in my life someone thought of me as an equal, as deserving, as appreciated, as good as any human being. There were no words to explain how amazing that made me feel. Then she handed me this little pink satin pouch and inside was a ruby ring. It was small compared to everyone else but I knew size didn't matter, my birthstone was ruby a precious stone. None of theirs were a precious stone so my small ruby surrounded by gold was worth more then their big gaudy rings. As soon as I took it off to play with play dough, one of my foster sisters was right there and told on me so the mom took my ring and put it on her pinkie! She wore it there from that time on, torturing me all the while. When I left she kept my ring and probably still has it.
Nothing is really yours when you are a foster child, not even your own ideas. 

The last place I was in was in Phoenix was a shelter and as soon as my adopted mother disowned me all the girls came qand beat me up and stole my clothes, shoes, and jewelry. For the rest of the time I was there I had to watch other girls wearing my stuff. They weren't made to give them back because who would? It wasn't the first time every thing I had has come up missing only to reappear on someone else. Luckily, the system moves you ever six months or so when you're in the system.  

You are never treated the same by anyone. Its’s crazy but its like society has a subconscious and its constantly telling you you are not good enough, no one wants you, no one values you, so why don’t you just die? What do you have to offer society? A burden, a future criminal? Even if you have talent in any of the sciences or arts, no one will ever know it, not even you. Some people believe that these things, we  like intelligence, for example will some how win the day. I beg to differ, environment, habit, DNA, survival, practice, peer pressure all play apart in shaping a foster kid’s life. Only if the rest of the word wants to hear your message and from you. 

When you come from no where with nothing you are a no good a criminal. You cannot and should not be trusted! Exactly what it is anyone thinks we are going to do I do not know because we are the first ones everyone turns to to blame. No one listens to us when we tell the truth no matter how hard we try, we are liars. So no one tells us the truth and they do not even care if we know it because we do. 

We come in I all shapes, sizes, colors, and beliefs just like everyone else. There is no disquishing feature to separate us from the rest yet we are. We are isolated, if we survive the system, by those who say they are “helping” us. 

When in fact they are just helping themselves to whatever they can get from us. Why not, we do not need anything nor want for anything so take it all. People that have survived the system, wether they aged out or ran away, have a unique perspective on things. We see things that most people cannot but when we share this knowledge it is almost always taken from us. Some of it I can understand, especially if it is to help others, but some of it is to make a profit and I have a problem with that. Foster kids do not want to have to ask for everything, they would rather earn it like everyone else. However, when you suffer from mental illness, drug addiction, personality defects, and many other disorders it is really hard to hold down a job. Then there is the housing problem, without an address you cannot even accept benefits if you qualify to receive them. Most foster kids do not want any help from the state or government because they make you feel like less then a person. They seem to recent you for needing help even though that is what they are there for. It is very confusing and in the end you cannot trust them anyway, they too seem to want you to kill yourself rather then be the burden you are. No one wants to be a burden so we avoid the system and any help they may offer. 

I wish I had all the answers because things are not improving for the young adults aging out. They still have no one. How can I make a difference to these people? I’m in no better shape then they are, except I have a job and a place to live. I just wish my “boyfriend” would let me have a few foster kids but he won’t. He won’t let me do anything worth while, telling me that I cannot make a difference. I think he is afraid that I might make a difference before he is able to take the credit, like he does with everything else I think of. It is so frustrating. I cannot even have a conversation with him for fear I will let something slip. I mean who has to constantly watch what they say because their “boyfriend” will steal it from you and make it his own? I do that’s who! It sucks because I trusted him because he was a teacher. I foolishly thought that when I told him one of my ideas that he was giving me credit for them at his school but he wasn’t. He took my ideas and past them off as his own and my words too. I cannot believe what a liar he is! When I finally realized what he was doing he retired from teaching. He doesn’t even bother denying what he has done, no, he just tells me that it does not matter since he is not making a bunch of money with them. What a jerk! I thought teachers were some of the few people foster kids could trust but I was way wrong, they take from us like everyone else. Of course no one will believe me because they do not want to. Most likely, everyone has a part in what happens to foster kids, directly or indirectly and none of it is good or for the kid. 

Society is very skilled at getting us to kill ourselves because no one makes it alone in this world and everyone will make sure you do not. More then that they will try to see you kill yourself rather then let you become a burden. It would be really helpful if those of you with family could just for a minute imagine what your life would look like without anyone. What if instead of living with your mom and dad you were given up to the state to raise? What if this happened when you were old enough to know what was happening? How would you feel being made to live with strangers? What if after a few foster homes they decide to take all you have left of your family and remove you brother who you do not see again for 8 years? How would you react when finally being adopted after 6 more years of foster care only to be disowned after only 2 years of being adopted? Do you have any idea what you would do with no one in your corner? These are a few things you would have to think about and survive if you had no one. Try to imagine how exhausting it is to not have anyone, to always be on guard watching your front and back all the time.

Education vs Experience

Words VS Actions

                                                       by Vonia Martin

Ever since I can remember I have wanted desperately to believe what people told me. Lying and deception didn't make sense to me so it didn't occur to me that other people would do it like breathing. Especially to the people they claim to love the most. That is because those people are more likely to see through your bullshit, or are they. The closer some one is to you the less likely they will want to see the truth about you, so invested are they in the façades we project . 

Educated people don't want an uneducated person to come in with more knowledge than them because they lived through it rather than read about or studied it from books. Experience is some thing education can never give or teach that is why it is considered to be equivalent, if not better but at least as equally valuable. Experience, however, does not always educate. It takes a conscience effort to learn from experience but to learn that the knowledge from that experience is only as good as the ability to apply to real life, is something else all together. 

Get your mind around that one. hahaha 

If I can act my way into believing I'm a normal person, worthy of all that the world has to offer, then there isn't anything I can't fucking do! Because my life has been anything but normal. Yet here I am, the most normal person I know. For some reason, my arrogance has allied with my sense of self preservation and together they have created me, invincible. Not to brag or any thing but I have lived through what MOST PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE! More then wanting to believe someone, I want someone to believe in me. Why does it seem that everyone wants to take from me? What is it that people make it their mission in life to fuck with mine? Just because I act like I don’t need them when I do? Just because I have a high IQ and no one wants to believe it doesn’t make it any less so. My DNA backs me up on this having only 239 Neanderthal variants in my DNA which is less then 87%  then everyone else.  My hablogroup is rare also fewer then 1 in 2,300 have the same maternal line as me. So when I claim to have a high IQ I can back it up. I can also write with either hand or both at the same time. My left writes backward right to left printing not cursive. My right hand writes normal left to right and both at the same time if I want. Who else can do that? I didn’t even know I could until 23 and me asked if I could. Some DNA marker perhaps? That I’m not sure but I’ve always used both hands but was forced to be right handed but I’m left hand dominate.
Everyone thinks I’m stupid because I give my ideas away but that’s only because I have no people to validate or stand up for me against anyone.  Most people assume they aren’t my ideas anyway so they just steal them from me. Justifying it because they think I stole it from someone which is bullshit. My IQ should speak for itself but even intelligent people, whom I always hoped would be above such petty bullshit, they ain’t. So you IQ people need to give me my real IQ and apologize to me for stealing it from me just because it was higher then yours! I didn’t cheat like you say I did. All I did was pay attention and because of that I get a high IQ score that you took from me and called me a cheater to my adopted Mom who disowned me three years later. I aged out of the system and had a life expectancy of a whole 21 years because no one thought I was smart enough to live this long. Well I’m not as a matter of fact I did everything short of killing myself  to live up to those expectations but for some reason life wants me here. Go figure. I am 51 now so I’ve out lived my expiration date. Not only that I am smart enough to trick my brain into thinking it’s younger then it is. Smart enough to know the truth when I hear it. It’s so rare that I do it almost makes me cry. No one bothers telling you the truth when there is no one for the liars to answer to for lying. So I stopped listening(even though my assessment test says I am an expert listener) so I couldn’t be lied to any more. What I do believe is actions they tell me everything about a person, do their actions match their words? If not they are lying. Liars think they are believable when they’re not because they do not hear what the truth sounds like so rare have they spoke it. Really only honest people get to hear the ring the truth has when spoken so it drives liars crazy that they can’t. Because they lie they will just assume you are so they continue to lie even when you don’t believe them.
Back to experience vs education. After my last quest for higher learning I would say fuck education learn to teach yourself! Only through my own experience will I find the truth, all others lie even the educated.

In short experience is an education one that we never stop learning from.

Neutrinos/Quarks

Could They Be Quarks?

by Vonia Martin

I don't pretend to be a scientist or anything else but could neutrinos be quarks? 

Bragging

Is A Desperate Attempt For Attention

By Vonia Martin 

When does some one finally notice how fantastic you are? Is anyone ever going to take the time to just observe your greatness? The way you go about doing things and the different possibilities as to why should keep some one very busy.  Does it ever occur to them to just ask you?  Some day and hopefully by then you will still remember why. Too long can be just as impossible as too soon ago. Some where in the middle lies your memory is that the right lye? Hummm Anyway, if it is lie that is interesting in itself in that you never thought about it before but you’re sure some one else already has. 

If it’s a different lie or lay we’ll try to forgive your improper grammar.  Some days you just know other days you know nothing. What dictates which or who shows up isn’t necessarily influenced by your drug use or now the lack there of.  Although the first could be directly linked to your lack of short term memory. Like I have completely forgot what point I was trying to make. At 51 my attention span is a fraction of what it should be, or so you would think. When I’m ready to think about it I will and this can take years in some cases even decades. You let nothing go no matter how remote or obscure  It’s place in the universe will be reverled to you in due time. 

I needed to post pictures of my temperature all on different random days or nights over the past 4-6 months. 

Obviously, these are in no particular order as far as to which came first except they are most likely backward latest first. I have another thermometer but it needs batteries.

I’ll get around to it eventually but this is what I have so far.  

My core temp is a lot lower then the average by about 2 degrees. What this means I have no idea but there it is. I also have detached lobes and an extra nipple. One of my eyes is bigger then the other and they change color. I'm self diagnosed dyslexic. I was naturally left handed but was made to be right handed this what I believed to cause my disorder. This is becoming more and more true with no markers or varients for dyslexia that means it is an environmental.

Retirement; prison or death?

I Try Not To But I Can't Seem To Help It

by Vonia Martin

Back to the foster care problem. It occurred to me that the reason the majority of these people end up in prison or dead is because they have no home. Once they turn 18 they are on their own. With no job or cell phone and no car, perhaps no high school diploma, what choices are left to them? When they fall on hard times, wait that is their whole life; hard. They have no one to turn to if they need help. No one to ask advise from that has only their well being in mind. No one to stand up for them when some one attempts to defraud or steel from them. No one to welcome them home when they need a safe place to go when they have no where else. No one to protect them from people that will hurt them, not even themselves. No one to tell them the truth no matter what. No one to be on their side or to gauge themselves by. No one to give them a reason to be a good person.  No one to stick up for them when they are too weak to do it themselves. No one to back them up when they're telling the truth but it appears that they're not. No one to cheer them on and make sure they get their reward when they win. No one to confirm that what they claim to be theirs remains theirs.
Without family you have no one, you are nothing and you are reminded of that everyday of your life. You are painfully aware that you do not get the same treatment or opportunities as everyone else. What you get is blamed for everything bad that happens, wether you had anything to do with it or not.  If anything good comes from you it will be projected onto someone else because there is no way anything positive is ever going to come from you. The third way you get treated is as a thief because if you have a good idea you must have stolen it from someone else. There for, they can take it from you without the least bit of credit going your way. The credit will go to someone else or just taken from you because you are lying or stealing, or both.

With nothing and no one these people do not stand a chance. There is no way to give these kids what they are missing, family wise. Or is there. What if we provided them with a home? Every state should have to provide these people with a safe place to live once they are out of the foster care system. They should not be going from foster care to the prison system without even a possibility of anything else. No wonder a lot of them commit suicide before 21. If you think there is a better answer to this problem please let it be known because no one should be disposable. These people are. So if you are without people you are nothing have nothing and you will remain that way if society has anything to do with it because you simply aren't good enough. No one is going to encourage you or clear a path for you or defend you against injustices. You have to find your own way without even an idea belonging to you, it is at society's mercy that you even exist. So forgive them when they take all that is left to you; your mind.
You know you are alone when the idea you had, to save countless lives, that you tried to get everyone interested in helping you with is now someone elses. Yet when someone else pitches the same idea only calling it something else everyone jumps on board. Not one person will stand up for you not even your adopted mother to claim your idea and get compensated for it. Anyone with a family and they would be going to court to testify on your behalf.

These are things that foster kids deal with on a daily basis never getting a fair shake. So, why wouldn't they kill themselves before 21? WOULDN'T YOU? Why would you want to continue to live would be a shorter list for these people to answer. The government has tried everything it can think of to try to change the future for these people but they are falling short.
Foster kids beget more foster kids. When your projected life span is 21 and you're pregnant where do you think your child is headed? Foster care! When you have no one having someone that is going to have no one too is not the answer. At first you may think so but stop to think for a minute. If you have no one in your life and you have children then something happens to you where do you think your children are going to go? Don't do that to them, do not procreate, you are dooming that child to the same life you are so desperate to escape. Without a family people don't do too well but can survive but without a home people don't have what it takes to stay out of prison. Prison always takes you, never do they turn you away. Prison becomes like their parent, always there when they need them. Prison becomes home to foster people and for some is safer than foster care. Really what choice do they have for retirement; prison or death? Excuse me I'm forgetting the institutions, they always welcome the disposable people. It seems to me a lot of these places exist for these unwanted ones.
What if some how we figure out away to give these people a home to go to no matter what? What if they had a place to go after they age out of the system? What if this place helped them get back on their feet to go forth into the world with the tools it takes to succeed? Some how these people need to be the caretaker and owner of this home for themselves and others like them. How to set they a land know they have a stake in the place they call home. If foster children were given a safe place to call their own, one they are going to pass down to more disposable people so they won't be disposable any more. The idea is to get them invested in this place but not rooted, the idea is to prepare them to leave the nest. They, like all of us, must go forth into the world to make it a better place but if they should stumble or falter this place called home is always open to them if they need it. The disposable ones are already minus a family why do they have to continually be without a home too? The point too is to help them realize their potential for being responsible, tax paying citizens, ones that the community is proud of because everyone is invested in their future. It would be a lot cheaper then prison and since they(prisons) are on the stock market they(foster kids) should invest in their future now so they might own it one day.
Seriously, if I was a criminal I would be investing my ill gotten gains into my future; prisons. There is something significantly wrong with society when we are betting against reform and putting our money into the prisoners coming back. This is how society decides to get some of it's money back on the disposable people that refuse to be disposed of.
If you happen to be one of the ones for whom I speak; listen up. It's time to step up and be better than everyone else around you, now that they have taught you how not to be show them what a real human being stands for. It's really easy; be honest and true to yourself and others like you. It doesn't matter their skin color or what god they worship. If they don't have family, through no fault of their own, they have family now; you. You and the rest of us like them, famililess.(funny how there is no word for what no one should be without) From this moment on we must be each others family. We must stand up for one another, not stab each other in the back. We must help everyone but first each other. We will not be offended by those who express distrust no matter what we do to prove our trust worthiness. We trust each other, no questions asked we give each other what everyone else denies us; the benefit of the doubt. We don't ever break that trust because all we have in this world is our word and if that is worthless then so are we. We defend and stand up, legally in court if necessary,  for one another. One of us has had to become a lawyer by now, if not someone better get to it because you will come to be the disposable peoples counsel.  Until then, there has to be an attorney out there that will not let the defenseless, disposable people keep sacrificing themselves like they've been taught, remain doing so just so a few people can make money by betting on a minorities future. Especially when the minorities are Americans, where's their warehouse? Why aren't they warehoused, fed, clothed, educated, entertained, and waiting amongst their own kind(some have no family to take them from so no one to answer to) for the life people come from all over the world to live? Free. Because no such better life awaits them, most don't ever get a driver's license because by the time they are old enough to get one they have no address to have it sent to. They drive anyway because they have to for work but eventually they will get pulled over and so starts the habitual failure to appears in court because you still don't have one. Rather then tell the judge your situation(it's embarrassing and degrading to admit you have no one it has always rejected badly on you) because here at last is someone who can show you mercy if only you could ask. Pride can be a wicked thing and it's tricky to live by it and not die by it as well. Don't look at me for someone to role yourself after. I may look good at first but like a black hole if you get too close I'll suck you in never to be seen the same again. What does come out is something we don't recognize as what we lost so we give it a different name so it looses all it's previous knowledge or so it is to us. Like a computer life keeps everything on disc, hard drives, servers, and the cloud a lot of places to look. The more you know of the address to the information you are trying to bring up the quicker, more exact information on that subject you'll receive. People
The home they are initially given will be a dust bowl with little potential for anything more. Let's face it, no one wants them to succeed and become self sustaining, proving everyone wrong.  Most people have too much riding on them failing. If they succeed it's like admitting they are better than everyone else because they took a no win situation and turned it into a win win.  Don't let their insecurities run or ruin you but don't let the belief in yourself become arrogance, remain humble if you know how. We need to build a community all to ourselves that practices real humanity, real sustainability, and real honest people. Honesty is never disposable so as long as you're honest you are applicable because the truth is only ugly when it's masked with lies. We need not reward the truth. We need to reclaim the truth from the liars by calling it what it is; honesty. Honestly, the truth doesn't hurt, the fact that we even say that makes us liars. The truth doesn't set us free, either. Ask any Native American or African American. The truth isn't meant to set us free, it is meant to anchor us. It is meant to make us responsible humans, responsible for what we leave behind when we go. What kind of foot print do you want your children to follow in? Or in the generations to come to die in?

When you are a foster kid nothing belongs to you. No matter how old you get or how many jobs you've worked to earn what you have it is never really yours. Any one can come along and help themselves to whatever you have and not because they want it it's just so you don't have it. Even the people closest to you won't let you have more than they want you to so you learn not to want anything. You can't expose even the thinnest slice of yourself not to anyone, ever. It's pretty exhausting to always be on alert to always sleep with one eye open and fully dressed everything ready to go at a moment notice. The worst is that no one notices or cares all they concern themselves with is what they are going to get from you. Usually, it's sex, really what else do you have? If you're lucky, looks. The only way I survived was on my back. No one cared about anything else except how they were going to fuck me. It's gotten to the point that the thought of sex makes me sick to my stomach. All the times I din't want to but did any way so they wouldn't rape me. What kind of a fucked up person becomes willing so she can't be raped any more?
Another thing, foster kids don't usually commit crimes. I know it seems that they would be out there stealing and pillaging but they don't do that kind of thing, mainly because its done to them. The main reason I know they aren't the one committing crimes it is becuse they have no friends. Friends are the ones you commit crimes with, the ones that talk you into it in the first place, friends are the ones that get you into trouble. They talk you into things you normally wouldn't even consider. Orphans can be influenced easily, however, so crime isn't completely off the table and lets face it most kids talk each other into stupid shit like stealing. Since most orphans don't have friends some one posing as one could influence them into becoming a criminal but for the most part they ask for what they need. Begging is a solo sport so orphans gravitate to that more then stealing.