Running
by V. Martin copyright 1987
Friday, October 12, 2018
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
Death
It Happens
by V. Martin
Say something, anything
Say something, anything
What will they say about me after I'm dead?
That I was lazy or I did everything to get ahead?
Will they be in shock that I'm gone?
or just because I've lasted this long?
Either way
What will you say?
She's finally in a better place?
She never liked being part of the human race.
will it be said that I was selfish or kind?
That I was sane or out of my mind?
Will there be anyone to say anything at all?
soon no memory of me will anyone recall
maybe no one will even know
because no one counts on me to show
I like it that way so I can't disappoint
but mostly cause I'd rather smoke a joint
So I guess let it be said
I'm one of the grateful dead
By V. Martin
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Why do men stand to pee?
It's Disgusting
by Vonia Martin
Besides your penis is only as clean as your hands, so you may want to wash them before and after!!!!
I believe this is one of the reasons men are getting the corona virus ansd other illnesses more then women. Urinals are dirty and promote germs. It also is when they don't wash their hands, after using the urinal.
It occurs to me that it would make more sense if men would, at least, sit to pee at home. It would eliminate them accidentally leaving the toilet seat up, therefore no more risk of the lady(ies) falling in. Also, give men a well deserved rest and time to check their phone without risking it falling in while hovering over the toilet. It's a win, win if you ask me so give it a try.
Urinals are disgusting, have a seat instead. I get that when out guys find it easier to use the urinals but they are gross and if they had to clean them...If they had to go number 2 they would have to use the toilet, so use it to pee too. Just wash your hands after, no matter which you use. That's another thing, maybe we should wash our hands before and after we use public facilities.
In my opinion this is something we need to evolve out of because it doesn't make sense. There are very few penises that are long enough to hit water when they sit because what would they do when they poop? so this is not a viable excuse.
Why men want to have their back to any door is beyond me. Especially, with their pants unzipped and their mini me sticking out that is a little too vulnerable, if you ask me, but I'm just a girl.
These days one can't be too careful, when using public bathrooms, telephones, publications, municipal buildings, court, and you get the picture. All these solutions to solving the problem of spreading germs and/or illnesses is limited to how clean the water is you're using to wash. The temperature of the water isn't as important as they want you to believe. Clean, real clean is only achieved via ROH2O (reverse osmosis).
You may be wondering why you should believe anything I've written here, you shouldn't. The more you have your own experience with ROH2O the more you will believe. The important part is getting people started, most can't get there mind around the idea that there is such a huge difference in an extremely, microscopically, hardly even registers on any scale between tap and ROH2O or even between ROH2O and other bottled waters. For me that's simple, there just is. Period, end of my story. The rest is up to all of you. What fun would it be if I had all the answers? Oh wait, I do ROH2O, mother fuck, what does a girl have to do to get this concept through? Starting sentences with "I" sucks but so does life. I do not expect credit so get over yourselves and get to it. It's not like I invented the stuff or am even the first to realize how perfectly simple the answer is to everything. It took me 50 years to get my head around it and maybe I'm the last to know but if I am why am I the one telling all of you? It makes sense once you make that last turn into The Realization that ROH2O water really is everything. It may be what carries our souls in and out of our conscience. Conscience is a cool word because of the science at its root. The same with the sub conscience. Even though science can't answer why we have a conscience or how we came about to developing one or what we are supposed to do with it. However, we know why we have a sub conscience and that is to keep our conscience from self destructing or running amok while keeping our conscience from knowing we have an internal conflict at all. Normal people do this automatically but damaged people don't always have this ability. We never know what one thing or combination of things that will create that perfect storm that permanently scares someone or if they are simply born that way. It's also interesting that science recognizes the conscience part of what makes up a human being when it's not something they can see, touch, or fix. It's not even present in everyone or at least to the same degree but in most. What is interesting is that everyone has a sub conscience and because of the lack of data on the subject I get to claim at the same degree as everyone else. It is the one thing that people without a conscience can't understand why they can't shake their sub conscience only they aren't aware that this is their inner turmoil. We mistakenly think these people are crazy because likely they are carrying on a conversation with them selves maybe even an argument. These conversations can literally lead to the person taking their own life, which might be just what needs to happen. People without conscience are usual capable of anything. Here we go down the rabbit hole.
These days one can't be too careful, when using public bathrooms, telephones, publications, municipal buildings, court, and you get the picture. All these solutions to solving the problem of spreading germs and/or illnesses is limited to how clean the water is you're using to wash. The temperature of the water isn't as important as they want you to believe. Clean, real clean is only achieved via ROH2O (reverse osmosis).
You may be wondering why you should believe anything I've written here, you shouldn't. The more you have your own experience with ROH2O the more you will believe. The important part is getting people started, most can't get there mind around the idea that there is such a huge difference in an extremely, microscopically, hardly even registers on any scale between tap and ROH2O or even between ROH2O and other bottled waters. For me that's simple, there just is. Period, end of my story. The rest is up to all of you. What fun would it be if I had all the answers? Oh wait, I do ROH2O, mother fuck, what does a girl have to do to get this concept through? Starting sentences with "I" sucks but so does life. I do not expect credit so get over yourselves and get to it. It's not like I invented the stuff or am even the first to realize how perfectly simple the answer is to everything. It took me 50 years to get my head around it and maybe I'm the last to know but if I am why am I the one telling all of you? It makes sense once you make that last turn into The Realization that ROH2O water really is everything. It may be what carries our souls in and out of our conscience. Conscience is a cool word because of the science at its root. The same with the sub conscience. Even though science can't answer why we have a conscience or how we came about to developing one or what we are supposed to do with it. However, we know why we have a sub conscience and that is to keep our conscience from self destructing or running amok while keeping our conscience from knowing we have an internal conflict at all. Normal people do this automatically but damaged people don't always have this ability. We never know what one thing or combination of things that will create that perfect storm that permanently scares someone or if they are simply born that way. It's also interesting that science recognizes the conscience part of what makes up a human being when it's not something they can see, touch, or fix. It's not even present in everyone or at least to the same degree but in most. What is interesting is that everyone has a sub conscience and because of the lack of data on the subject I get to claim at the same degree as everyone else. It is the one thing that people without a conscience can't understand why they can't shake their sub conscience only they aren't aware that this is their inner turmoil. We mistakenly think these people are crazy because likely they are carrying on a conversation with them selves maybe even an argument. These conversations can literally lead to the person taking their own life, which might be just what needs to happen. People without conscience are usual capable of anything. Here we go down the rabbit hole.
Please and thank you,
V. Martin
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
Another Blank Post
Blank
by V. Martin copyright 2013
Your lips are moving but no sound is coming out.
Thinking you can't hear me I begin to shout.
You bring up your hands to cover your ears
It's then you realize they're full of your tears
You were lying down while you cried
Remembering the deceit and why I lied
The truth would have sealed your fate
Never look back because it's already too late
But if you look back you'd be seeing ahead
You are stuck in the moment you were mislead
You want to grow and mature but to do so you must feel
That is not an option for you until you heal
But you can't heal what you won't admit
So you're frozen, not participating, you quit
Time didn't stop when you did so you've aged in years
Yet you're very immature compared to all your peers.
So you whine and complain causing a scene
You think no one likes you, everyone is mean
When in fact it is you that leads the way
About yourself you have nothing nice to say.
As long as you are your own worst enemy
You may as well expect everyone else to be.
You may as well expect everyone else to be.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Nature's a Bitch
But I Don't Have To Be!!!!
By V. Martin
How can I put this without hurting any body's feelings?
SAVE THE ELK PLEASE!!!!! If we are going to let nature be we can't develop any more land or pump any more carbon monoxide into the air. How do you let something be when everything you do disturbs it? The animals are running out of room and out of food all for the "greater good"? Whose greater good are we talking about? Not ours and surely not nature's!!!
I get that nature isn't pretty but not when I'm witness to it. Let nature take it's course when I'm not looking but now that we are INTERVENE!!!!!
Maybe the mother new something was wrong and chose that spot hoping someone would help.
ANIMALS AREN'T STUPID HELP HELP PLEASEPLEASE!!!!!
Before it's too late!
How do we know nature didn't put us here to intervene and help those creatures that need it? We have thumbs for a reason. Now that the world is so much smaller and animals in the wild are scarcer we may need to step in. Fear is only necessary when we are a threat why don't we stop being that threat so we can treat the wounded animals and preserve even the weakest members. Along with thumbs we are blessed with a brain big enough for speech and understanding of language. It’s as good a reason as any come up with strategies for intervening on behalf of a stressed animals because doing nothing can't be an option when it's our fault we moved into their front, back and all sides of their 'yard' so to speek. It’s too late if no one did anything earlier, at least for them. Maybe we should rethink letting nature take it’s course when it’s in our face, at least. Isn’t it possible that we are responsible for the animals we so thoughtlessly displace, pave, pollute, and litter from their homes? We greedily gobble up land where they once lived then murder them if they try to come back to a familiar spot to lay their eggs or to spawn.
Like the poor bears that come rummaging around in the trash cans, for food. They have less and less food because of us and then we’re surprise when they become so hungry they’ll eat trash! Or maybe it’s because there’s no honey bees, honey, or hives and the bears are looking to replace it with some thing?
Maybe we should drop care packages, filled with food that's good for them, along the edges of where we want them to stay. Since it's our fault they have to get food from our trash we need to make this food easier and closer so they don't stray into our backyards. Only when they first wake from hibernation and are really, really hungry. It's too late for us to undo the damage we've done but maybe we don't have to continue to do more or help them when they need it. Mother Nature is brutal but it should be our responsibility to help any and all animals that we are consciencely aware that needs help. I also believe we should do what ever preventive steps we need to to ensure the survival of all species.
What ever the cost and/or sacrificies that it takes; we do we pay.
How do we know nature didn't put us here to intervene and help those creatures that need it? We have thumbs for a reason. Now that the world is so much smaller and animals in the wild are scarcer we may need to step in. Fear is only necessary when we are a threat why don't we stop being that threat so we can treat the wounded animals and preserve even the weakest members. Along with thumbs we are blessed with a brain big enough for speech and understanding of language. It’s as good a reason as any come up with strategies for intervening on behalf of a stressed animals because doing nothing can't be an option when it's our fault we moved into their front, back and all sides of their 'yard' so to speek. It’s too late if no one did anything earlier, at least for them. Maybe we should rethink letting nature take it’s course when it’s in our face, at least. Isn’t it possible that we are responsible for the animals we so thoughtlessly displace, pave, pollute, and litter from their homes? We greedily gobble up land where they once lived then murder them if they try to come back to a familiar spot to lay their eggs or to spawn.
Like the poor bears that come rummaging around in the trash cans, for food. They have less and less food because of us and then we’re surprise when they become so hungry they’ll eat trash! Or maybe it’s because there’s no honey bees, honey, or hives and the bears are looking to replace it with some thing?
Maybe we should drop care packages, filled with food that's good for them, along the edges of where we want them to stay. Since it's our fault they have to get food from our trash we need to make this food easier and closer so they don't stray into our backyards. Only when they first wake from hibernation and are really, really hungry. It's too late for us to undo the damage we've done but maybe we don't have to continue to do more or help them when they need it. Mother Nature is brutal but it should be our responsibility to help any and all animals that we are consciencely aware that needs help. I also believe we should do what ever preventive steps we need to to ensure the survival of all species.
What ever the cost and/or sacrificies that it takes; we do we pay.
Monday, May 7, 2018
dear ungrateful,
You should read ‘dear life’ before reading this
By Vonia Martin
Dear ungrateful bitch,
who do you think you are?
you feel sorry for yourself
getting your pain from a salad bar
Well, stop going and waiting in line
just because there is a sign
that says all you can eat
Besides isn't your mouth full of your feet?
dear I never asked to be here in the first place,
you resent being part of the human race.
They've got an app for that I keep it six feet under
no life isn't some sort of blunder
It started as a dare and grew from there
I did it on purpose to get even with bitches like you
nagging hag through and through.
dear I never asked to be here in the first place,
you resent being part of the human race.
They've got an app for that I keep it six feet under
no life isn't some sort of blunder
It started as a dare and grew from there
I did it on purpose to get even with bitches like you
nagging hag through and through.
As I see it things could have been a lot worse
and will be if you write me and curse
the day you were born and demand
as if I owe you some explanation
Consider this a warning or command
Remember your destination
So what has to happen to make you see?
How sweet and precious life can be
You forget what made you who you are
All the things you bitch about
Like not being a star, as if you have talent
You can handle it I have no doubt
I gave you more than most
So you can burn my fucking toast, you bitch
Maybe I should have buried you the ditch
I discovered you in but I helped you out
This is the thanks I get?
You are making me regret
Not leaving you there
And now you dare to write this crap
As if your life is a trap you can’t escape
I’m sorry about the rape but you survived
So suck it up and be glad you’re alive
You ungrateful fuck
Just remember it takes more then luck
To get through this life
Being alone isn’t one of them
if you want life to be bearable
think about what makes it worth living
it isn't in the taking it's in the giving
wouldn't you better serve those that deserve
a helping hand? You've been given how many
chances and yet you demand what? respect?
Try living your life without regret
Never again do I want to detect anything
but gratitude in everything you say and do
nothing obvious not diluted nor concentrate
It must be convincing it's time to put those
acting skills to use you stuck up
couldn't act your way out of a paper bag
pathetic old fool? Maybe next time I will
let you drown in your own drool
just to be rid of your sorry ass or should I say
ass-less? Inverted ass is more like it
Should I go on or have you had enough?
Oh and stop trying to act so tough
everyone knows your just a pussy
takes one to know one you less than less
You're the one that got you into every mess
so don't get all picky and fussy or I'll drop you
in the first pile of shit I come to you old slut
Now that you're all used up and no one wants to even
look at you let alone listen to your sniveling ass
that's a given I'll take a pass on that freak show
besides I've seen it from the front row.
Remember the pile of puke you slipped in
yeah, what a sin, I can still smell it in your hair
life will never be fair. you're right I have a lot of nerve
but some one needs to say what needs to be said
I'm tempted to put more then a clip in your head
Hey look you have all but one of you own teeth
I'd say that's proof I never want you beneath
anything other then my boot, mat, or thumb
you may not be a genius but you act like a dick
you can take your attitude and stick it where ever
it might hurt the most about you I'll never boast
can't even burn a decent piece of toast so suck and swallow
you're about as hallow as a chocolate easter bunny
that joke is never funny give me a solid easter rabbit
it and kiss my baby smooth because I just had it waxed
and my asshole bleached don't let me hear you preach
or I'll make you lick it as you should before you fuck
someone over now where was I oh yeah ripping you
a new one don't mistake my kindness for stupidity
all I can think to rhythm with that is lucidity
my stupid is showing and it may even be growing
things don't make less sense I am more senseless
things aren't more senseless I make more sense
I'll come back to that or it's best to let that one go
for now I must do the same but look on the bright
side you've made it this far isn't it time to get to the
main course? Do you really want to die not ever
really lived? Do you want to always take?
or learn how to give? Of yourself and your time.
life can change on a dime so stop wasting what's left.
Try being the example not the exception
Live like everyone is watching.
Consider this a warning or command
Remember your destination
So what has to happen to make you see?
How sweet and precious life can be
You forget what made you who you are
All the things you bitch about
Like not being a star, as if you have talent
You can handle it I have no doubt
I gave you more than most
So you can burn my fucking toast, you bitch
Maybe I should have buried you the ditch
I discovered you in but I helped you out
This is the thanks I get?
You are making me regret
Not leaving you there
And now you dare to write this crap
As if your life is a trap you can’t escape
I’m sorry about the rape but you survived
So suck it up and be glad you’re alive
You ungrateful fuck
Just remember it takes more then luck
To get through this life
Being alone isn’t one of them
if you want life to be bearable
think about what makes it worth living
it isn't in the taking it's in the giving
wouldn't you better serve those that deserve
a helping hand? You've been given how many
chances and yet you demand what? respect?
Try living your life without regret
Never again do I want to detect anything
but gratitude in everything you say and do
nothing obvious not diluted nor concentrate
It must be convincing it's time to put those
acting skills to use you stuck up
couldn't act your way out of a paper bag
pathetic old fool? Maybe next time I will
let you drown in your own drool
just to be rid of your sorry ass or should I say
ass-less? Inverted ass is more like it
Should I go on or have you had enough?
Oh and stop trying to act so tough
everyone knows your just a pussy
takes one to know one you less than less
You're the one that got you into every mess
so don't get all picky and fussy or I'll drop you
in the first pile of shit I come to you old slut
Now that you're all used up and no one wants to even
look at you let alone listen to your sniveling ass
that's a given I'll take a pass on that freak show
besides I've seen it from the front row.
Remember the pile of puke you slipped in
yeah, what a sin, I can still smell it in your hair
life will never be fair. you're right I have a lot of nerve
but some one needs to say what needs to be said
I'm tempted to put more then a clip in your head
Hey look you have all but one of you own teeth
I'd say that's proof I never want you beneath
anything other then my boot, mat, or thumb
you may not be a genius but you act like a dick
you can take your attitude and stick it where ever
it might hurt the most about you I'll never boast
can't even burn a decent piece of toast so suck and swallow
you're about as hallow as a chocolate easter bunny
that joke is never funny give me a solid easter rabbit
it and kiss my baby smooth because I just had it waxed
and my asshole bleached don't let me hear you preach
or I'll make you lick it as you should before you fuck
someone over now where was I oh yeah ripping you
a new one don't mistake my kindness for stupidity
all I can think to rhythm with that is lucidity
my stupid is showing and it may even be growing
things don't make less sense I am more senseless
things aren't more senseless I make more sense
I'll come back to that or it's best to let that one go
for now I must do the same but look on the bright
side you've made it this far isn't it time to get to the
main course? Do you really want to die not ever
really lived? Do you want to always take?
or learn how to give? Of yourself and your time.
life can change on a dime so stop wasting what's left.
Try being the example not the exception
Live like everyone is watching.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
False advertising
Make-up
By V. Martin
Wake-up women and stop being depentant on make up to feel good about yourselves.
Isn’t that part of the problem? We tell girls to love themselves the way they are then in the same breathe we tell them they can only achieve this by putting this mask on every time we leave the house. It’s these messages that confuse young ladies and make them question their self worth.
Make-up, in my opinion is false advertising.
Most men I’ve met don’t like make-up. They can’t even tell we have any on until they find it on their shirt and sheets, if you happen to get lucky. After a life time of wearing the stuff I’ve decided that we don’t wear make-up to attacked men but we wear it for other women. It’s like war paint.
Only other women are going to judge you, men are just trying to decide if, when, and how long they are going to fuck you. Believe me, make-up has nothing to do with it! What really bugs other women is not wearing make-up at all. This they don’t understand. Real confidence doesn’t need make-up. Unfortunately, when commerce is king even our self image is up for sale. What we may want to think about is all the people no children we could be helping with the money we spend on make-up. If I had all the money I’ve spent on make-up over the years, I could have fed many children with that money!
I’ve been very selfish all my life, thinking only of myself and my unbarable pain. Guess what it is barable but what isn’t is how I’ve done nothing to help others. I shouldn’t talk because I still buy and wear make-up but not everyday, every other maybe and I have yet to help anyone with the money I save. I am thinking about it, though.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
My IQ badge
Most people will not want to believe this but I am very intelligent. I didn't cheat nor have I ever cheated on any test in my life.
The people in Phoenix, Az claim I cheated on the IQ test I took when I was 11 but I didn't. They refuse to give me the correct IQ score from that test. So far they gave 118 because I was guessing at what it was and said I thought it was 118-138 so they posted on Facebook it is 118. After taking several other IQ tests, all higher then the ones this place is trying to hang on me. With that in mind, I will ask again to please give me my real IQ. Any moron would know it has to be higher than 110-118 for them to claim I cheated. No one would risk cheating for a lame score like that so give me my real score because I didn't cheat. If it makes you feel any better, here's a recent score from a free online test I took. I did't cheat on this one either.
PS. I knew those blocks wouldn't fit into the board because I saw another kid trying to put them in the holes and none of them fit so I didn't bother trying when it was my turn. You asked me why I wasn't playing with them and I told you that none of them would fit so why should I bother? If you had asked me how I knew they wouldn't fit I would have told you, but you didn't. Apparently, you didn't like that answer and told my adopted mother I was cheating, which is not true, I didn't cheat so give me my real score, please!
While going to college one of my professors ask us the first question on this IQ test and I was the only one who got it right. Well, I got it right but thought too much about it and Xed out the right answer then wrote the wrong one next to it. If I remember correctly my first answer was B which was "yes" to the question and "C" was no.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
What "If"?
It's Not Just A Function
By V. Martin
Understand, that all I'm suggesting is to think about it, I am. Most likely, I'm wrong but in the spirit of all minds on the planet, "I think there for I am". That alone makes me want to argue that plants are, animals are, planets, stars, matter, gasses, elements they all exist but do they think?
It might be better that I don't because here's some of what rolls through my mind. Everyone has as much right to be who they are as much as anyone else. It should not matter if someone chooses or is born "that way" or "this way." It doesn't make it more right or more wrong to be gay then to be straight. Choice or not it's who some people are and that is enough for me!!!!! As a society we weren't going to change collectively until a gene was discovered. For some reason we find it o.k. to violate each other in the most horrific ways when someone displays a personality unlike what is deemed "normal" by society. But blame it on "god" and now it's even popular to be gay. That's great for those who choose that life style or are born that way. My concern is for those who are made by way of abuse. There are still those that are made gay by means of abuse and their voice is getting drowned out by the "god made gays". Not that anyone should be made to feel less important or less celebrated as a human being. I am worried about what kind of a message this is sending to children and there unique ability to see through the bullshit adults try to cram down their throats. The child that doesn't speak up because now they are being told they are born that way might suffer longer. They may be trying to tell someone about the abuse only to be misunderstood and instead of protecting them they are told yet again by a trusted adult that it's o.k. to be gay. Of course all the child hears is that it's their fault they are being abused because they were born gay. Even if you're gay no one should lay hands on you unless you're an adult and consenting.
The last thing a kids want to hear from adults is that we can't protect them because the powers that be have a process they must follow. Kids and their concern for their safety just isn't important enough for the grown ups to cut through all the red tape, put in place by who and for whom? By adults, to protect more adults that are suppose to protect our children. I mean don't we constantly put them off as they are growing up? How many times do we tell them that we are too busy or too tired to pay them attention? You know what the child hears? You are not important enough for me to get off my lazy ass and do something with. Or not important enough to even look up from the device in your hand and watch as they dazzle you with whatever feat they just mastered. They only require a few minutes and a few encouraging words to feel like number one, like they matter.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Push Option
The People Pound
orphanages/foster care
by V. Martin
For the lowest of the low,
where the unwanted go
the human lost and found.
I call it the people pound.
I spent a lot of time there
since there was no one to care
when I was a child.
I ran a little wild.
Sure, most of the time I'd rather be dead
but I'm a coward if the truth be said.
So I suck it up the best I can,
But seriously, does anyone have a plan?
If you do, would you let me take a look?
Because as it is I can write a book.
The book of self-destruction:
How to hate yourself yet still function.
because if I don't it's back to the people pound
Where they always take me, lost and never found.
This is not what I expected to find here. If memory serves, which its not) this should contain a piece I wrote on how foster kids or at least the one that age out of the system are considered a push option on the market. This thought first came to me when I was issued by the state of Indiana this slip of paper with Cirtificate of Birth printed at the top then my name date of birth and my adopted mothers name and the seal of the state of Indiana. That's it nothing more, no feet prints, no ribbon, no mention of a father or grandparents. On a really ugly yellow piece of paper. Push options are what someone buys when betting against a company's success. That is what kids that age out of the system are considered and betting against them is like money in the bank. How else are we going to off set the millions, no billions of dollars they suck out of the system every year? This is what society has come to? Can't we no we have to do better then this! If we could look back at all the time that has passed between now and the moment we could have still made a difference to future generations and yet we chose and choose to do nothing different!
We hear the cry of the opressed but don't even look to see where its coming from. Society slowly suffocates anyone and everyone it deems insuferable, a waste of flesh, a loser, not contributing to society, draining resources, and on and on. These people don't even have an address let alone a voice! Orphans that live to age out of the system usually end up in an institution, jail, or cemetary, or homeless. It's funny because whenever any TV show deals with a homeless person they have a family, usually a veteran, alcoholic, black but in reality most are orphans and white. At least the long term homeless because as usual no one cares about them. They are the professional homeless that no one likes nor knows what to do with because no one cares. I CARE!!!! I CARE!!!! REALLY! I CARE! Please don't leave this world thinking no one cares because I do. Not that makes a bit of difference to you, it has made all the difference in mine. Where ever I am you are with me, you matter to me! No matter what you have done in the past, I forgive you as long as you never do it again. Your names I don't know but your pain is my pain your joy is my joy. You are all I think about, night and day. I dream about meeting all of you someday, for you are my children, the unwanted ones. I want you!!!! I need you! I can't keep pretending that I don't know your suffering. You are not alone, I am with all of you, you are a part of me, you make me who I am and give me the will to live to go on so I can make a difference to all of you. Even if its all I have to give are these words I put out into syber space may never reach anyone because none of you probably have a computer or phone or internet. To reach you I may have to find another way but if anyone that reads this knows any orphans or homeless people read this to them please. They are all I have and I need them to know this. Thank you in advance.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
#ME3#
18 is The Scariest Age
by V. Martin 2018
Most kids can't wait to turn eighteen it's a mile stone in a persons life. Legally you're an adult, responsible for yourself but some are still in high school having turned eighteen during the school year. Imagine being put out on the street on your birthday with no place to go and no way to get there. You have no cell phone, less than $100 to your name, no job, no family to turn to, nothing. You don't even have a high school diploma or GED. When you're a child in the foster care system, everyday is scary, this doesn't happen to every child in the system but more often then not. You never know what to expect so you learn to expect the worst.
With that in mind, you're approaching your eightieth birthday finally legally an adult. Your own person with ...? You don't even have a drivers license, let alone a car. As soon as you turn eighteen, legally an adult, you no longer have a place to live. The foster home you've been able to live with for the past six months or so can't afford to support you without the state's funds. You weren't allowed to get a driver's license or work full time while in school. The job you use to work after school is no longer available since it was passed on to a younger student. You want to go to college or a trade school but that possibility fades along with everything you know. No where to go no car to get there no family to reach out to no home to even go to, you don't even have a cell phone. Odds are not in your favor, once on the street you do what you have to to survive, if you survive.
With that in mind, you're approaching your eightieth birthday finally legally an adult. Your own person with ...? You don't even have a drivers license, let alone a car. As soon as you turn eighteen, legally an adult, you no longer have a place to live. The foster home you've been able to live with for the past six months or so can't afford to support you without the state's funds. You weren't allowed to get a driver's license or work full time while in school. The job you use to work after school is no longer available since it was passed on to a younger student. You want to go to college or a trade school but that possibility fades along with everything you know. No where to go no car to get there no family to reach out to no home to even go to, you don't even have a cell phone. Odds are not in your favor, once on the street you do what you have to to survive, if you survive.
When a married couple gets a divorce and they have joint custody of their children who ever pays child support does so until they are nineteen. Why then are foster children cut off, sometimes completely, from resources like a place to live? It seems to me these kids don't stand a chance because they're not even given one. I get not letting you drive because of the liability and insurance but can't some big automobile manufactures help out with that and assist in supplying discounted vehicles? It takes a village so gather the villagers to care for these kids, collectively. In the long run it will only serve to save them money and the crime rate would probably drop. The drug epidemic would be over, society as a whole would heal. We need to be our bothers keepers but not to keep him down instead we need to lift him up, collectively. As a whole the children will be able to pick the best society has to offer be it the janitor at school or the CEO of the company that sponsors their transition from froster care to a message runner for a big Wall Street firm. No car necessary but a valid ID, social security card, and a fast bicycle will be needed for your future. At least now you have one.
Maybe we should rename the "foster care system" to the #Me3#. Because take it from me when I tell you these kids know they have a voice but believe even if they are heard no one will listen. Worse then that is the conditioning it takes to get you to believe the way you're being treated is normal. Can you imagine believing it's normal to have your foster Dad slip into your bed every night to sexually assault you. Before you can even think about telling anyone you're being called names of the worst kind, degrading you, conditioning you. The foster care system is a predators dream come true. There are people out there that don't want to abuse their own children, for obvious reason. Maybe they would have to answer to the other parent or who knows, that's were you come in. You prepped for your new role in your new family by constantly being reminded how lucky you are to have a family like theirs to take you in. How some people are so mean and even abusive in the worst possible ways. How grateful you must feel to them for everything they are doing for you as they slip some drug into your juice. You know what comes next and more and more of the same. Until you don't even know what day it is or wether it's day or night nor do you care. You stopped doing that the first night.
It happens so frequently it becomes the norm. No, not just normal but expected. So much so that any other kind of treatment makes you hurt so bad you can't even take a breath. When kindness has been absent from your life for so long any act of kindness is such a contrast from what is now normal it makes your head flip flop, your heart swallow, your throat beat, and your stomach spin. It can literally save you or kill you! It's almost like starving but not from food but from humanity and too much at once will send you over the edge.
Anyway, a year more would make all the difference in the world for these kids. A year to get a drivers license, a phone, a car, a job, or get enrolled in college or trade school. My point being is that in most cities a car in absolutely necessary to get a job and/or go to school.
Anyway, a year more would make all the difference in the world for these kids. A year to get a drivers license, a phone, a car, a job, or get enrolled in college or trade school. My point being is that in most cities a car in absolutely necessary to get a job and/or go to school.
Monday, January 29, 2018
TheOtherSideOfThePancake
No Matter How Flat The Pancake, it Still has Two Sides
by V. Martin 2018
This is to my adopted extended family, Halls, Martins, and others, by marriage. After 35 years my adopted mother found me. She had adopted me when I was 12 and she was 39 and single. They, DES, didn't normally let single people adopt but mine wasn't a normal case. Having been in the system for over six years and as many foster homes because the last one kept me for almost 3 years. Anyway, my adopted mother soon after met her future husband and that was the end of the beginning for me.
Don't get me wrong, I knew it for what it was and maybe that's why Phyllis, my adopted mom, and Frank, who never adopted me, believe it was my choice not be part of the "family" anymore. The same reason people want to kill the messenger when the message isn't what they want to hear. There was nothing I could do about the decisions being made about me. I was only 14-15 years old.
I didn't go out of my way to behave badly, I never did anything but what normal teenagers do. My Mom was being pressured by her new husband, your father, so she started building a history to support disowning me. If my Mom and Frank were planning on keeping me, his three daughters and I would have been introduced to one another. As it was, never, not in the three years they were married before I was disowned did I meet his kids.
I didn't go out of my way to behave badly, I never did anything but what normal teenagers do. My Mom was being pressured by her new husband, your father, so she started building a history to support disowning me. If my Mom and Frank were planning on keeping me, his three daughters and I would have been introduced to one another. As it was, never, not in the three years they were married before I was disowned did I meet his kids.
Phyllis built a history by admitting me to the psych ward at Phoenix Camelback Hospital. The first time was understandable, I got caught shop lifting and couldn't face telling my Mom, I was so embarrassed. Rather then face her I decide killing myself was a better option. Never did it occur to me to run away. Funny but seriously, the thought never even entered my mind. My attempt was half assed, obviously, it failed and I was admitted to the hospital. There I stayed for two months where they never put me on any medications or diagnosed me with any disorders. I was fourteen and still a virgin and drugs were something I thought you got at the drug store. I hadn't even gotten drunk or had a sip of alcohol.
So doing drugs and/or drinking was not even on my list of things to do. As a matter of fact it wasn't until the second time she admitted me that I started smoking cigarettes.
For the second time she admitted me because the girl across the street from her house and I got drunk for the first time together. To this day I haven't had as much fun or laughed as much or as hard as I did when Kristian and I got drunk off her Grandma's booze. We road our bicycles all over the place but then couldn't find our way home so I called my Mom, Phyllis. The lady who was the Mother of some girl, I think Kristian knew, had to tell Mom where we were and she came and got us. It was before ten pm, my curfew, so I thought I was in the clear, as far as being in trouble was concerned. Not the case. Right back to the hospital the very next day for another two months. This time they diagnosed me with being emotionally handicapped. This was at Phyllis's insistence, needing something on record to explain what she does next.
Instead of bringing me home this time she transfers me to a residential treatment facility in south Phoenix. There I remained for eleven months, where they didn't know what to do with me having never done drugs, never had sex, and only been drunk once. The other girls were all alcoholics, drug addicts and/or prostitutes so the program was designed around these problems. So they came up with a program just for me, part of which was going to public school. Something they had never done before. All the kids went to school on grounds which was close to being home schooled but with the whole neighborhood. This place was located in South Phoenix some of the worst neighborhoods in Phoenix and I had to leave before dawn to get to the bus on time. Fourteen years old at three to four in the morning walking the streets in South Phoenix to catch a bus to go to high school at North high.
Eventually, they discharged me and I went home, where by this time I wasn't welcome. My curfew on the weekend was 10pm and all my friends were allowed to stay out until midnight. Being the mature young lady that I thought I was I called a family meeting and pitched my cause. Explaining how unfair it was and that none of my friends want to come home 2 hours early. They just weren't hearing me, so I asked if we could get counseling?
Phyllis picked me up after school telling me we were going to DES to get counseling. That was just a ruse to get me to go along willingly. Frank was to meet us there, she said, when I asked. When we got there she led me to a room with a window next to the door. As soon as I was in the room she turned around and without a word left me there. I watched as she disappeared around the corner, stunned, not sure what to think, do, or feel. So I went to my default setting, no feeling, no caring, no nothing. JustNumb. This is a very brief, detached account of what happened because most likely you won't believe me anyway so why invest anymore?
Phyllis picked me up after school telling me we were going to DES to get counseling. That was just a ruse to get me to go along willingly. Frank was to meet us there, she said, when I asked. When we got there she led me to a room with a window next to the door. As soon as I was in the room she turned around and without a word left me there. I watched as she disappeared around the corner, stunned, not sure what to think, do, or feel. So I went to my default setting, no feeling, no caring, no nothing. JustNumb. This is a very brief, detached account of what happened because most likely you won't believe me anyway so why invest anymore?
Hopefully, this clarifies things a little bit more. Of course, this is my perspective, these are my memories of what happened. Since it did happen to me, my memories are probably more accurate then Frank's or Phyllis's. They have good reason for remembering things the way they do and I'm not saying they are wrong. But they are wrong letting anyone believe I chose to leave home because that is simply not true. I never ran away from home! What the fuck? Adopt me, get married, disown me, then move your new husband's daughter in to take my place. Years later look me up just so you can blame me for what you did?
Not to mention the fact that the last place anyone, who's been in the foster care system, wants to go, is go back into the system!!!!! This is a fact, ask anyone.
What were they hoping I'd forget?
If they think Grandma doesn't know that they, my parents, lied to get them, my grandparents, to disown me they are wrong; She knows.
If they think Grandma doesn't know that they, my parents, lied to get them, my grandparents, to disown me they are wrong; She knows.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
scientific notation; Together, love is forever.
Together, love is forever! Hearts squared equal eternity!!!!
By Vonia Martin
I wasn't the first to think of the equation love squared equals eternity but I am the first to put it in scientific notation.
I've decided on a compromise; heart squared equals eternity.
The evolution of the equation in scientific notation cr2017
Thank you V. Martin 2018
No one will give me credit for this however, because it interferes with their idea of who I'm suppose to be. I'm suppose to be stupid poor white trailer trash without an original idea in my head. So keep your stupid equation, I'll just redefine mine. Heart cubed equals eternity because children are our only form of immortality.
Okay, maybe I'm a little bitter!
This has been an evolutionary process. One that I have given birth to, raised, allowed to grow, listened to, understood its greatness, didn't over think mine, and so came fouth its true meaning. Together, love is forever! Meaning if we would as awhole decide to love one another even if we don't understand each other, might be able to at least tolorate each other. Differences are what makes a curious about what we don't know similarities are what makes those differences a conection instead of a disagreementcelebrated its individuality,
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
B&L or Brad's Tire and Repair in Frederick
If you notice I had low profile tires before but now they are normal. I believe this was intentional so I wouldn't notice the space left by putting smaller rims in back.
The tires I had before Brad's/B&L or whatever their name is were P235/55R16 and P215/60R16, I believe but could be wrong but I know for a fact before I had them tow it while it was still running the rims and tire on the back were bigger because I switched them since the front one had a chunk missing from the rim and several cuts in the tire and the rear is lighter. I thought it would be safer since I was driving on it but the back one was visibly larger when switched with the front so put them back. Also if I had had these cheap faux rims that I have now thanks to Brad's or B&L when the car theives drove it into the building it would have fallen apart just like it's doing now though I've hit nothing.
The biggest chunk missing is at the top and at an angle it looks more like a balancing weight but in the top pic you can see it better on the side.
These are the wheels I had before B&L Tire and repair
I also had larger tires in the back because it was an option at the time
After B&L I have cheap rims all the same size.
To clarify; My 2001 Camaro was stolen, in police chase, then drove into a building. I finally got it back in 2015, drove it for about 3-4 months then it wouldn't start and it sat for almost a year. My Mom said she would help get it fixed so I called B&L here in Frederick to tow it to their garage, which they did. I needed it to start and I needed a new tire and rim since the one on the passenger side front was missing a chunk from the rim and there were several cuts in tire. I had low profile tires which was an option for the V8 even though I have a V6 plus bigger rims and tires in the back.
I have pictures of the engine before B&L but I'm having trouble locating them but will add as soon as I do.
I'm just a little pissed off by all this. As if having the car stolen once wasn't bad enough, now I feel as though it's been stolen all over again.
I'm not some spoiled brat that has everything handed to me, I've had to work hard for the little bit I have. As you can see I've done most of the cosmetic work myself but the engine and tires and one wheel I trusted B&L/Brad's to take care of. My adopted Mother had just found me after 35 years and her first kind act was to pay them to rip me off. Shame on all of them!!!!!Shame on all you over there at B&L/Brad's, I should of been suspicious when they had two names for the same business.
Here are some pictures of the receipt she gave me. Keep in mind that my Mom paid and this was ready for me when I picked up my car. Also, the reason why it took me so long to realize what they had done is; one I trusted them to be a reputable business so I didn't think they would do something like this. Two; they hid it well by changing from low profile to regular tires so it went unnoticed until I had them rotate the tires.
This is exactly the way I received the receipt from Laura.
Who could read this? I can't and I believe that's the whole point.
Never did they offer me my old rim, even though I have no spare.
I believe they repaired it and sold all 4 as a set, worth over $3,000.
If anyone can read this, please, let me know what it says because all I can make out is"your fucked".
I will continue to look for more pictures and post them as I find them but seriously don't take your car to them before you take pictures of every inch to compare to when you get it back.
The first picture is after B&L the second is before B&L just the rims and tires is all I'm concerned with.
This is a picture after I tried to rotate the tires putting the chipped rim and cut tire in the back.
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