DearLife

                                DearNightmare

                               by Vonia Martin

                                                          
                                                                                                                                        
Dear life, why do you have to be so long?

Like the rope around my neck you keep stepping on

Give me some slack. And my pride back

Stop living your life through mine

You had your chance, I'm not your mime

If you have regrets, too late, you’re out of time
You were denied as a child, what a crime
If you keep pushing your shit on me, I’ll drop a dime
Just to be rid of your sorry ass
And the half empty half full glass
You floated in on, like the cube you are
Take your dope and that sorry ass air guitar
You, road in on. You call it an axe so chop, chop
Get your axe and chop your wood
Into submission but with your permission
Dear life, why do you have to be so short?
Unlike golf a faux sport that goes on and on and on and on and on
You’ll be over before I know it
just as you were fitting in
it’s off to the looney bin
for drugs and restraints
You never claimed to be a saint
No, Far from it
You like to sin, 

If you can win

But as it is,

No life for you as a star                                                                                                                                    

For you it will be pain
All you can eat like a salad bar
Only it comes to you like rain
No veggies just rejection
By the way you never came
You faked every orgasm
In the sack, you’re kind of lame 
No, you suck and swallow
The marrow out of the very bones
Of the people, you claim to love the most
Get out of bed and pull your head
Out of my ass
burn your own fucking toast
You lazy fuck
Dear life, why do you have to be so hard?
Hard like concrete not hard like a penis
you may not be dumb but it doesn’t take a genius
To fake pleasure, harder to fake pain
Unless you keep some in reserve, 
you know you have a lot of nerve
But someone has to say, what needs to be said
Put a couple of lead slugs in my head
Make sure I'm good and dead
Before you wear my ass as a hat                                                                                                                                   
 
I must warn you, I'm a crazy old bat
That’s been hated by far better then you
Pure evil through and through
Now you can float, to the bottom
Rock bottom so you can begin
To descend, don’t try to pretend
You were never my friend, this façade should end
you’d rather smile with no teeth then have you see me so beneath
No, so beyond yourself you’re out of reach
Dear life, how can you be so cruel?
You should have let me drown in my own drool
It’s like a piece of you broke off and is stuck in my throat
Here take another toke, before long you’ll get the joke
To me, if you commit, it means piss and submit
A sample of my pee, to see
What drugs they can give, so I can live
A drug free life, is no life for me
Does anyone have some dirty? Urine? 
I can pay with shit, Wednesday for some pee today?
Now don’t delay my buzz a moment
Too long
Some may say I have a drug problem
Which is true if I don’t have any
But as long as I do and not many
will hear me say,
There will come a day                                                                                                                             
You’ll hear me ask
Dear life, why are you such a bitch?
You should have left me in the ditch
You discovered me in
your excuses wear thin
As my life turns to shit
but you'll never admit 
to what you did.
Behind me you hid, like the pussy you are
no accountability for you not even a scar
that's for me to bare, life isn't fair
that's why I wonder.  
Dear life, why do I live?
I have nothing left for you to give.
so let's call it good 
or bad come now don't be sad
happiness is a choice
unlike the sound of my voice
nagging you to do something, anything
just not what you're doing
whatever that is it's hurting me
the longer you hide 
behind my pride the more I withdraw
my support but I can't report what you've done
with you there is no fun only lies
echoing, vibrating in your endless shallow
soul you need to smoke another bowl.
it's the only time the light comes on
behind your dead cold eyes
and the mountain of lies, you've sold your
self to your weakness
Dear life, why do you always end?
You weren't very kind
As you went slowly out of my mind.
All of a sudden I couldn't speak
Wait a while then we'll seek
out the leak. What do I have to plug
the hole in your soul the piece of you 
stuck in my throat? If I can hack it up
but unlike a boat you don't float
Dear life, why is there so much pain?
that only circles the drain never to go down
only to come back again and again as it gains
a life of it's own and now it's all grown
into the monster I am so then I ran
but she follows me every where I go
at least you can get away, how do you think I feel?
To live this life that to me is so surreal
I heard the saying "you can't rape the willing"?
I became willing so you couldn't be raped
I'd rather be a slut then a victim 
especially when the system is set to protect 
those who pose the greatest threat
The wounds won't heal but still won't reveal there origin
it's like an organ full of cancer if not cut out will spread
like the disease life is. 
Dear life, how can we undo what we've done?
How will our children feel when there's no sun?
how do I tell him he inherits all my wealth
but all of it won't bring back his health
It's best to separate ones self from the crimes
others have committed or you may do their time
"guilty by association" as the saying goes
god this part really blows.
I have no children to explain this big pile of shit to
Unlike you you have too much to say
Dear life, how can I like you?
when I know you're just temporary?
You're trying to set me up for a big fall
first let's recall what got us to this point.
Too soon ago for me to remember
unless I smoke a joint
but I don't do that any more
but I do miss the floor 
I crawled on when 
I couldn't find the door
or my feet for which I could stand
would it kill you to give a hand?
Never mind I'll just land
with my back to the floor
It's a shorter distance to hell
from my graces you already fell 
blahblahblablah
is all I hear you say
You're just talking from your rear
until you tell me what I want to hear.
What that is I have no clue
but I'll know it when I hear it
but go practice on some one else.
I'm just kidding, 
what else do I have to do?
but enjoy all the wonders around me
Like the red skies at night
caused by carbon monoxide or
some such shitty pollutant.
My life is already half over 
if I live to be a hundred and sober
but I won't pretend that I can't wait
to catch a buzz but if I was still
high I would be late to my own fate
which is the fate of us all; death.
That's it take another breath
Which only brings you closer to the abyss
that when it looks back at me it sees only emptiness 
Dear life, do you really know what you're doing?
Or are you just faking it like the rest of us? 
I never asked to be here
in the first place.
Your mostly ungrateful
optimistic, pesimist,  V
#NoOne
DearLife

  

ToBothMyMomsters

IAmStillAlive!

By V. Martin

Just wanted to let you know that I am still alive in-spite of you and all you have done to me. So there! You have tried many times to end me but I am still here so better luck next time. You thought all you had to do was leave me and I would curl up and die. It’s true at first that is all I wanted to do but then I thought maybe you would come back and I had to still be here so I sucked it up. Everyone else wanted to dish out more, like I had done something wrong. There are no words to describe the way people have treated me since you have left me. Without parents a person is no one, without someone we are no one. Without some one there is no one for anyone to answer to so it is a free for all on your life and death, for that matter. When you have no one, you are truly no one, no worse then no one you are a criminal even if you haven’t broken the law. All anyone sees you as is a scape goat for what ever crimes they have committed or, if you happen to have a brain cell, or two a source of “their” ideas. 

None of that matters because you are very aware of how I am taken advantage of. You stopped caring about me Whalen ever a man came along so good riddance to you both! I am working at the little store here in Frederick and have been for a few months now. The government finally forgave the loans they never gave me so my credit score went done but oh well.

My hope is to some day have a place big enough for a lot of us family less people have a place to live. I want to work the land and live off the grid, totally self sustaining. Eventually, I want to open a store on the same property to display and sell the stuff that the disposable people make to help sustain them through lean times. I do not want to turn anyone who has no one away. 

I will apply for government grants to keep notes and track of the people living with me and what happens to them over the years. Everyone of them will get a puppy or rescue dog when they arrive, one they are solely responsible for.